Because She Came Here With Me
by Howlynn
Summary: Haymitch returns to twelve with Katniss. In this AU version, he takes care of her as he should have. What is he hiding? Lots of ships, surprises and Happy Endings...totally lemon free and full of Haymitchyness. Katniss and Haymitch - snarky love story.
1. Chapter 1

**Because She Came Here With Me.**

**Author**: **Howlynn**  
><strong>Realm<strong>: _The Hunger Games_, Suzanne Collins  
><strong>Story Title<strong>: Because She Came Here With Me  
><strong>Summary<strong>:_._ _I know, just an AU about what I wish happened at the end, maybe just a little bit. Canon until the hovercraft lands in district twelve, and then it's time to howl._

**Character/Relationships**: Haymitch and Katniss, Gale/Johanna, Peeta/Annie, Darius/Delly

I** Disclaimer:** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Author note: Fun happy ending, just cause nobody thinks I can write one. Well not a clean one anyway. Big Grin, proof I can ship in murky waters and not mention the other kind of happy ending.

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><p>My mentor smiled, "Guess who else isn't coming, sweetheart."<p>

"Don't tell me. Let it be a surprise." They are all leaving me except him? Haymitch is all I'm left with? "Why are you going back?"

His face calms and he raises his chin a little. "They didn't know for sure what to do with me either."

"You're lying. They are making you aren't they. So we are both sent to hell? You sure Snow is dead? Seems like pretty harsh sentence for us both. What did you do? Must have been a good one?" I say.

He shrugs, "It doesn't matter. Some things are worth hell. Now eat your sandwich, while I investigate hobby supplies." He rose and began searching systematically for bottles of liquor, tucking a huge stash into every tiny bit of space our bags have available. All this stuff must belong to him, I don't have more than a toothbrush and some stinking cream for my skin. I watch him abandon some of his possessions as he wraps bottles carefully in neatly packed clothing. I eventually fall asleep.

We land in twelve. Haymitch has to carry me. I tried to walk, but I am just too weak. "I'm sorry you have to carry me."

He rolls his eyes, "You weigh what, seventy pounds? I have suitcases that weigh more than you do."

He settles me in my house by the fire. Sae has been here cleaning and a nice soup waits for us as a welcome. He hands me a bowl. It is dark before he has made the three extra trips carrying all our stuff into my entryway and dropping it there. "I am going to pick up a few things from my house. Can I get you anything?"

"No. You're leaving already?" I smile with knowing venom.

"I will be back in a few minutes." He says painfully patiently.

"I won't count on it." I say back seeing the bottle in his hand.

"Good. I have never been very dependable." He says with irritation before the door slams.

I laugh and think I have seen the last of him. I wander into the kitchen pick up a paring knife and carefully slice my wrists. The morphling keeps it from hurting and I sit quietly on the kitchen floor, leaning in the corner against the cabinets, watching the red pour from me. I make more cuts and soon I feel the happy tired satisfaction of knowing a job well done.

I hear cursing and feel jostled by something, but I am too tired and don't really care what it means. I am searching for her. She has to come for me. I just want to see Prim, but instead I see angry Haymitch and know I went to hell instead. I keep my eyes closed and ignore him.

The sun is bright and I smell bacon. For a moment I think my head rests on Peeta. I snuggle to find a non-Peeta chest, belonging to my smiling mentor. I sit up quickly and glare at him. "What are you doing here?"

"I bandaged your wrists, watched you breathe, made wild love to you and took a nap."

"Jerk." I say crawling over him and heading to the bathroom.

He pulls me back down on top of him and looks me intensely in the eye. "Rule number one, no more of this." He holds my arms up.

"Nobody's coming back. You weren't supposed to either. It won't be long. I just have to wait for you to get drunk. You don't make the rules." I say glaring right back at him. He lets go of me, but for a second I see a little bit of hurt in his eyes.

I come out of the bathroom. He is standing in the hall, arms crossed, glower set. "He will come back as soon as he can. He's in District Four now, at the new hospital. They are trying some innovative options. It is said to be the leading facility. Have patience with him."

Shrugging, I wander down stairs and sit on the couch looking in the dead fire. Haymitch brings me a plate of stewed peaches in oatmeal and thick salty bacon and then builds the fire back for me while I pick at the food. Sae and he pass the time with conversation about who has returned, may return, or has moved on. I listen but I don't join them.

I discover that Haymitch has welcomed himself to live with me. I don't speak to him for a week. Even when he changes the bandages I stare away from him. "You will bathe today or I will do it for you."

My eyes widened. "You wouldn't."

"Sweetheart, I assure you if you prefer showering together in your pretend catatonia, I will be pleased to oblige. Beings I can't trust you alone for more than ten minutes, don't trust me to be bluffing." He never looks at me and his voice never changes from calm, which was the way he delivered his most annoying statements.

I push it until late in the evening. He finally sighs and stands. When he begins unbuttoning his shirt, I bolt upstairs and stand in the blistering shower with the door locked and my breath sucking the steamy air in fury that he thinks he runs my life. I lay in bed for a long time fuming and frustrated with him. Later when I woke screaming and Haymitch held me, shushing me and telling me that he's there, I am not so mad at him anymore. I cry and he kisses my head and tells me how sorry he is.

There are people who return. Delly knocks on my door one day. She's back and her face shines in happiness. I look behind her and find a sheepish Darius, grinning at me. They are welcomed with pure joy. Peeta was confused. The person he thought was once our Avox, must have been a victim for some other reason. It makes us both cry to see him and he is scribbling answers to our questions as fast as he can write. Darius uses sign language and Delly interrupts most of the time. They are in love. This tiny miraculous spark of hope pulls Haymitch and me out of the doldrums. We go on walks in the evenings and I begin to feel stronger. He doesn't have to hold me every night, but when I need him, Haymitch is there.

Months go by, and Haymitch and I find a rhythm. I patiently wait for him to pass out and he stubbornly showers me with his version of disdainful kindness. Sometimes, I feel close to him but the emotional blip usually only lasts a day or two before I go back to hating him, or simply playing indifferent to his insufferable sympathy. Buttercup returns. I don't drown him. Haymitch inconveniently refuses to drown himself in liquor.

I pigheadedly await the word that Peeta is well or forever lost. Haymitch keeps planting seeds about how hard Peeta is working to be normal again. I refuse to die until someone admits that Peeta can't be fixed and come home and at the same time I refuse to get any better until he finds his way back to me. I can't betray him and just end myself if he's trying to get better for me. I am all he has left and if he needs me, I have to stay long enough to find out.

One day Haymitch is on my phone talking in his sarcastic voice nearing a roar. He sees me, and his tone falls to a pleasant calm. "I will take care of it. Don't give it another thought, Peeta." But the way he slams the receiver in the cradle makes me jump.

I wait in the hall, my heart thundering. He turns to me and clears his throat. His eyes are full of pain. I don't understand. "Is he ok?"

"He's fine. Katniss, Peeta isn't going to come here." He wraps his arms around me. "I'm so sorry. He's not coming home."

I don't cry. I grab my bow and run to the woods. I haven't been in them since I came home. Haymitch had taken me as far as the meadow, but I now escape into the deep woods. I find little here but forgetful moments that have moved on and left me dreaming of my life before I stood on the platform saying goodbye to my sanctuary. Sanctuary is lost to me now. Even the trees have forgotten me.

Gale is gone. Peeta refuses to return here. Nobody will come to my rescue now. Even my mother has given up on me. Haymitch is stuck babysitting me. I didn't hunt. I just stare off into the green. I sleep in the cocoon of my woods, high in a tree. I wander aimlessly and don't return home until the next afternoon. I really only return for some answers.

Haymitch lay in the dining room, passed out. He's fallen out of his chair. Bottles surround him. He hadn't been like this since before he'd left for the Quell. He'd been counting on Peeta too.

I stand there watching him snore for a while. He must be so lonely. I know he is fond of Effie and I wonder if the news that Peeta's not coming home, has made him realize that he'd made a mistake. I am only a burden to him, keeping him from whatever happy place he can hope to find. His Mockingjay has turned into a millstone. I wonder why he put his life on hold for me and I think that if he wasn't stuck here with a ghost of what could have been a girl until her sister burned, maybe he could find someone to make him content.

I watched him sleep. His eyes are puffy and red. I didn't throw cold water in his face. I reach out and touch his hair. My fingertips brush his cheeks carefully. On the floor, vulnerable and without his mask of disapproval, I could see him better. I feel sorry for him.

Everyone else got to move on after the war. I heard Sae talking about Gale being in District Two with a fancy job and an evening talk show that discussed government agencies and how people could be involved with rebuilding a safe fair administration.

Haymitch is locked to a burden he'd never assumed. He had long ago gone above and beyond all mentor requirements. Here he is though, still shackled to his useless plucked bird. I thought of what life would be like without him, and suddenly I feel more shattered and cold than ever.

His eyes open and focus on me. "Katniss, thank God." He wraps me in his arms and holds me sitting on the floor.

"You got drunk?" I ask after a while. He drank every evening, but he hadn't failed to stop after three or four. I forgot this scene that had once been so familiar.

"You came back. I won't do it again, sweetheart." He says.

"Why won't he come home?"

He takes several deep breaths before blurting, "Because he fell in love with Annie. He has to do what he thinks is best, Katniss. He thinks Annie needs him more. They went through a lot in the capitol. I guess he doesn't have the episodes with her. He asked us to come there, if we wanted to. I told him no."

Peeta is in District Four, falling in love with Finnick's wife. I didn't blame them for hating me. It was fair in some weird way. I cost Annie the love of her life for nothing. She had a baby on the way and her taking Peeta's heart from me felt like bitter justice. She had my mother too. We were both crazy as June bugs, but Annie was an endearing form of broken whereas I was more like broken glass, painful and dangerous. It was right they picked her.

I fidget with my hair, now almost grown back. It smells of fear and the woods. "I never deserved him. You told me that."

"I was wrong. He didn't deserve you." His voice rumbles in his chest.

"You don't deserve to be stuck with me either." I say quietly meeting his eyes.

"Don't be silly. I meant he is no longer worthy of you, not that what has happened was right. I'm not stuck with you. I want to be here."

"No, it's stupid. You should leave too. You aren't doing anything here. You could do stuff, maybe find someone. Fall in love. Meet a nice lady."

"Nobody in their right mind would have me." I feel his hot breath in my hair.

"You're not so bad. You should move to the capitol. Find someone to love. That's where Effie is." I say thinking of how he and Effie always seemed to have chemistry despite her adamant disapproval of Haymitch's every action.

"I can't do that, sweetheart."

"Why not?"

"Because, I don't want to."

"I would be fine. You can't be expected to just watch me until my five years in exile is up. You need your own life, Haymitch. Who knows what you're passing up? You should pack your things and forget about the dead district. There must be life out there somewhere and who knows, you might find someone to fall in love with and start a whole new family. You've had plenty of parenting practice dealing with me. Don't you want to fall in love? You aren't that old."

"It wouldn't do me a bit of good. Now hush about this. I am not going anywhere." He hugs me and stands up, yanking me to my feet as well. He goes to the kitchen and downs a few pills, rubbing his neck.

I reach up and massage his shoulders, wondering what is in his head. He groans in appreciation as I silently work knots from his muscles while he leans over, elbows on the counter, eyes closed.

"Why don't you want anyone to love you? You aren't as broken as you pretend to be. It wouldn't take much for you to win Effie Trinket's little pink heart you know?"

He stands and looks down at me, wanting me to hear him and drop this conversation. "Because, I am already in love. I have been for a long time, now please. Drop it."

I smile at him a little, hopeful he will consider leaving if he believes I don't need him. "Then you need to go. I want you to be happy."

"What makes you think I'm not happy? What makes you think I have a chance in hell of ever winning her? She doesn't know I'm alive. In truth, she detests me."

"Because, you deserve someone nice. You deserve that, after everything. You have to at least try. You can't just let this place swallow you and never know."

"Passing out good advice, sweetheart, only maybe you should think about what you just said. That boy in District Two still writes you. How many of his letters have you even opened? Is the pot calling the kettle hot? You need me right now. When you stop needing me, then you can kick me to the curb. It isn't an option right now." He pats my face and stomps upstairs. The shower runs a long time.

Somehow the end of the Peeta limbo has made the world more real to me. I try to be kinder to Haymitch. I try to prove I am getting better, so he will be able to seek whatever life waits for him. I find myself wondering who he's in love with. I invite Effie to visit, but she makes excuses. I am just guessing that he loves her. It could be some capitol woman who I never met. He referred to her as if she is alive so I have faith it is someone who survived the war.

The letters from Gale diminish, but don't stop. One day I order them by date and read the whole pile in one sitting. He begins declaring his love and begging forgiveness. Those fade into a melancholy plea for forgiveness. Later they take a tone of sorrow and hopeless loss. They become less friendly for a while before he writes of being unable to function. Finally they become distantly cheerful and only speak of neutral topics of his work and who he may have encountered. I read these with a dreadful curiosity. One name becomes repetitive in his now overtly happy drabble. Johanna Mason has replaced me. They go to plays and have dinner. Gale no longer asks anything of me, as if he is writing to a diary instead of me. I understand what it means even though he doesn't actually admit they are dating.

Haymitch has observed me without interfering with my activity. I hold the last letter for a long time then slowly feed them one by one into the fire.

"Johanna and Gale?" I say as Haymitch takes a seat next to me, offering me a glass of his beloved beverage. I sip it but don't feel like I should have been surprised.

"They will be married soon. I didn't know how to tell you. Afraid too, actually. She is a nice girl. He could have done worse." He says watching me.

I bow my head and blush. "Yeah. He could be stuck in your shoes, with nothing but me. I'm glad he…they…" my mind just flies away and my voice follows. I hold the glass, eyes locked on it as moments with Gale flash before my eyes. For a few days, I don't say anything again. I don't see this big house or the man who holds me without being asked to, all I see are Johanna and Gale laughing and Peeta and Annie playing with a little miniature Finnick.

Haymitch is spooning a salty stew into my mouth when I again comprehend he's there. I blink stupidly as I realize my hair is damp and I feel clean. "Why am I wet?"

His head tilts oddly and he sets the food on the table before leaning into me and taking my hands in his own. "Can you hear me, Katniss?" I have never once heard his voice so mild and timid.

I frown at him. "There is nothing wrong with my ears. You are a foot away. Why are you feeding me like an infant?"

A tear betrays him, glittering down his cheek. "Welcome back, sweetheart. You have had me worried. I was about to take you to the capitol to see the doctor. I have been waiting on your travel papers. Even had to call Mr. Hawthorne to get them pushed. Aurelius was getting nowhere."

I look down at the clean clothes and how my skin shines with lotion. My fingernails are clean and clipped. "So you finally got your shower with me?"

He grins with ornery grace. "Highlight of my year, sweetheart."

I shake my head at him. "Glad it was memorable for one of us."

His hand slips across my cheek and settles at the back of my head. His lips close to mine and I suck my breath in and open my eyes wide, pulling away as my heart suddenly keeps beat in my ears. Haymitch is kissing me? I make a little squeak but for a second I stop protesting. His lips are so warm and I, little by little, relax and then I am closing my eyes at his pleasant sure caress. Haymitch is kissing me.

For a second he pulls back, eyes sparkling and so open. I zero in on his lips with my own, wanting to feel that again. It is more than pleasant now. It is better than the full feeling of the warm stew. It fills me up and makes me hungry at the same time. Long minutes draw out and I don't pull away or tense as I have kissing Peeta and Gale. Haymitch melts me. Melting requires more air and my lungs pump as hard as my heart.

Haymitch shivers a little as my hands slowly feel my way from his shoulders down his chest, around his ribs and curl my fingers into his back, demanding he continue. His teeth nip my lower lip. He flicks his tongue on my throat then sucks at the skin just below my ear. I tilt my head and sigh, giving him access to keep going.

He pulls back before I know what happened. I look at him, wondering if I did something wrong.

"Holy hell, Katniss. I'm sorry." He stands quickly and asks if I finished eating or if I am still hungry. He lifts my bowl and assumes my silence means I don't want more. I don't know what to think. I am embarrassed at how much I liked his lips on me. I am still unable to catch my breath and he has switched gears in a blink.

I watch him for three days, as he pretends it didn't happen. I give him opportunities to let it happen again, but he just grows sarcastic. It settles on me that he has no interest in kissing me again. It fades, as insignificant as a weather anomaly. It was nothing.

I am watching television as Haymitch piddles around in the kitchen after dinner. Familiar faces still my attention. Peeta sits on a red couch, his arm draped casually around Annie's shoulder.

The camera shows a peaceful beautiful child sleeping fitfully and the audience makes soft moans of adoration. I stare at Finnson Seacrest Odair, with as much rapture as the audience. He is a radiant little beauty. They speak of the late Finnick Odair and I am amazed that Annie answers some of the questions with a stoic strength. When she falters, Peeta smoothly steps in and covers for her as she respectfully looks at my Peeta with the same adulation she once saved for Finnick. There is no question that they both have not replaced Finn, but they lavish him praise as a united front. Peeta speaks of how he owed Finn a debt he could never repay.

"Is that how the two of you began? You saw Annie as an obligation to your fallen friend?" Flickerman asks.

Peeta blushes, "Well, no. Not entirely. We were held together in The Capitol as you know and I developed a terrible crush on her. Then we were rescued and I couldn't think of ever acting on those feelings. I made the mistake of teasing Finnick about it once, but he saw right through me and told me not to make him regret restarting my heart. Her heart was taken. I had no place and no hope of ever allowing my silly feelings to be known in any way. I hoped if I ignored them, they would pass. We were both so devastated when we learned he had fallen in the battle for the capitol. He saved what was left of his squad, but it didn't make it any easier to endure. I did try to comfort her. When I was burned, she would sit with me and we would talk. We tiptoed into each other's hearts and I finally confessed how I felt about her. Yes, some of my decision to move to District Four had to do with the obligation I felt to her husband. I didn't imagine much hope of it moving into something more. I tend to fall for emotionally unavailable women." He pauses and the audience chuckles at my expense.

Haymitch's footsteps are heavy and fast as he hastily heads to shut off the broadcast. "No." I say firmly.

His hand pauses at the power button. "Please, sweetheart. You don't want this. You will…disappear again."

"No. Leave it on." I say firmly standing to physically battle him if I have to.

He snorts in discontent, but stands aside, watching me rather than the happy couple. I take my seat again.

"…any wedding bells to be announced?" Flickerman smiles in a knowing way.

"Maybe. We are taking things slowly. We want to make sure. Nobody is going to push us." Peeta says quietly with a little bashful glance at Annie who is blushing bright red.

"We don't have to hurry. I already said yes, but I want to wait out of respect. It isn't right to not give my Finn his Widow's Heart Day." Annie says carefully.

"Of course. I forgot District Four has a three-year ceremony. That isn't so far away really. Very sweet. I am sure your act of veneration is a comfort. Now Peeta, we don't mean to pry, but what of Katniss? We hear you parted as friends? Care to elaborate?"

"Katniss will always have a place in my heart. We simply didn't survive it all in the same condition as when we were star-crossed. Sometimes stars fall. I think everyone must sympathize with the concept of moving on, looking to the future, not miring ourselves in the past. I am thankful to have known her and we wish her nothing, but every happiness."

"We hear rumors that she and Haymitch Abernathy have…"his eyebrows bounce suggestively. " Tell us the truth Peeta, did she break your heart?"

Peeta smiles with humor, "She broke my heart every day. Don't all women, Caesar? As far as she and Haymitch, that is something you would have to ask them. It would please me to find out that they are madly in love. I know they have always cared deeply for each other, when they weren't threatening to kill one another, that is." The audience laughs right on cue again. "But whether or not they ever figure it out is anyone's guess." The television flicks off.

"Haymitch!" I protest.

"I am not listening to the ungrateful whelp any longer. Katniss. Nothing he says matters. Please don't fall apart. He is a thoughtless fool…"

I stand up and nod. "Yes. He's making himself look good, just like he always did, all so wrapped up in sweetness, nobody knows how stupid he is. He damned sure didn't admit that he broke my heart this time. Or that the capitol destroyed the way he felt for me. He just blamed you. I know you don't love me. I just hope whoever she is, that she didn't see it and take it all wrong. I don't mean to embarrass you like that." I head to bed and give him a commiserating smile as I head up the stairs.

""Katniss, I…" he stops, eyes searching the room for something to say.

"Don't worry Haymitch. I'm just mad at him. It's fine. Goodnight." I say raising my hand to save him the degradation of having to let me down gently or try to soften that we are just the farthest thing from possible that could exist romantically.

I softly close my bedroom door, stuff my face into a pillow, and weep. He's not my boy with the bread any longer. My Peeta is really, truly, Annie's Peeta now. I lay awake in the darkness, slowly coaxing my heart to empty itself of Peeta and Gale, like a good emotionally unavailable woman should.

It is late morning when I softly pad out of bed. I hear Haymitch talking, annoyed and in full blown sarcastic mode. "How do you suppose she took it? Trying to give the 74th a final victor after all, Peeta?"

"Yes, very nice set up. I don't give a turds chance with a fly's tongue what you thought, you selfish little puke. It was my business, not yours. No, idiot, she has no idea and it just served your twisty little knife up on a gold platter to her. Of course I do. More than you will ever understand, but it doesn't matter. It isn't returned and I won't be as smarmy and manipulative as some people we can name."

There is a long pause and I hold my breath in stillness, trying to understand this end of the conversation.

His voice is low and mean, calmly cutting. "Well if humiliating her was your goal, your plan worked like a charm, dear boy. Give Annie my love. And my deepest sympathy. She's going to need it." The phone is again slammed down with too much force.

I slink quietly in the room and lean on the door, as soundlessly as my hunter feet allow. He turns and sighs. "Shit," he mumbles, meeting my eyes and wilting with disgrace.

"Thank you for yelling at him for me. I liked the one about turds. Now I think we better call Effie, she's probably been crying all night." I say with a knowing grin.

His face gets a very stupid, confused look. "Why would we call her?"

"Haymitch, if it's not Effie you love, then you should tell me. We need to do some damage control or you may lose her forever to his lie. He made it sound like we have, you know. I don't think one shower and a single kiss equal all he implied. I'm better now. You need to sweep her off her feet before someone else does. Effie was always good for you." I say with a genuine smile.

He has the strangest look of betrayal on his face. It seems to physically hurt him that I have figured him out. "Oh, hell…" he shakes his head and laughs at the ceiling as if he's losing his mind. "Katniss, It isn't Effie. It never was."

I shrug. "Ok, then who is it? Haymitch you need to go there. Right now. Today. You need to worry about you, just once. Please. I swear I'll be fine. I'm kicking you to the curb."

He smiles sadly, "It won't work for me, sweetheart."

"You're handsome and you kiss like a God. Why on earth do you think it won't work?"

His eyes fill with tears and a smile flickers off and on as he looks at me shaking his head. "Because I don't need to go anywhere, sweetheart. You see, I brought her here with me."

I blink in astonishment. He could not have just said Peeta's words to me. He could not have said that. He could not mean to say that Peeta knew before I did. "That's why you kissed me?"

"Math was never your best subject."

"You love me? Am I always the last to know?"

"It would appear so, sweetheart." His voice is hoarse. He glares at me, waiting for my reply.

I think about it all for a moment, the dots connecting, twisting and tacking me back to the world in a rush of amazement, gratitude and desire. "How long are you going to make me wait for the next kiss?"

"As long as it takes to know you want one."

"Now who's bad at math? Kiss me and if I like it enough, maybe I will let you give me another shower."

He rushes to me as if I am about to faint and there is such confusion, love and pure terror there on his face, I laugh. His stomach contracts, as if sobs are trying to bubble from his chest instead of happiness. I give up and stand on my tiptoes trying to reach high enough to kiss him instead.

"Sweetheart?" he says again before devouring me like Katniss pie.

Haymitch and Katniss. We no longer find being abandoned and exiled in District Twelve much of a punishment. Peeta gets another call a few days later, this time from the emotionally unavailable one. Haymitch walks Johanna down the aisle and I wear a suit, not a dress, after all, I am the best friend.

And they all lived happily ever after.

The end.

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><p>Still my favorite pair -please review<p> 


	2. Chapter 2  Every Day  act I

Every day.

**Author**: **Howlynn**  
><strong>Realm<strong>: _The Hunger Games_, Suzanne Collins  
><strong>Story Title<strong>: Because she came here with me – Every day, act I  
><strong>Summary<strong>:_ Haymitch and Katniss go on tour/holiday – will it give them hope or heartache. The first stop has some cloudy skies._  
><strong>CharacterRelationships**: Haymitch/Katniss

I** Disclaimer:** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Author note:** _Hey you said you wanted a sequel and by golly I was in a good mood so here you are. This has a few sections because it got Way too long. My upload thing doesn't upload so I have to copy and paste into an old file – makes it much slower to get a story up and I have to start over to make corrections. Is anyone else having issues with this?_

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><p>We sat on the train in silence watching the world rush by. He watches me closely but our silence is comfortable. His hand stretches out and I take it, drawing strength. I don't have to explain, he knows. This is going to be hard on me. We are going to visit the person responsible for my travel pass. I am free a whole year early.<p>

I remember Haymitch handing me the letter. The congressman had pushed for my pardon without ever saying a word to us. There was evidently some controversy surrounding the decision but he spoke for me as did many others, including a few who I hadn't been very nice to. So now we were making the rounds to thank everyone and Haymitch had bestowed 'victory tour the sequel' upon our adventure.

He knew this would be hard for me but it didn't stop him from making me do it. Haymitch always made me do things I didn't particularly want to do, but were good for me. Like sticking around and falling in love with his disreputable old self, when I was pretty sure he had taken on a lost cause. Haymitch and his lost causes. Outside he's a bristly burr full of sharp thorns and irritation, but inside, all that armor hides a seed of softness mixed with a hopelessly hopeful childish bully.

He and Mrs. Congressman had never broken their almost daily habit of checking in with each other for a nice sarcastic comment festival. Congressman and Mrs. Hawthorne would be our first stop. We had managed to get me travel permission for their wedding, but that had been two years ago. It was easy to see them together and happy, but the small complication for me was the fact that Johanna was now pregnant. They called it a miracle.

Haymitch had cried for her when she called to share the news. It seems that her days in the elicit service of the capitol had left her scars impossible to fathom. She was told long ago that she would never get pregnant. Gale had accepted it before he married her. But she didn't count on the raging fertility of a seam boy on a mission.

It was a joke when I was growing up, that seam boys could knock up a tree stump with a glance. I was very certain that more than glancing had caused the girl who once dressed as a tree to find herself knocked up. Haymitch had been so sweet to her, he broke down very little even now, but they had been 'special friends' once and so her tentative snarky joy was shared with him, even before the father of the little phenomenon.

Haymitch insisted we must see them. I wanted to, but half of me just wanted to stay home and be happy for them from a distance. All it took was the low voice on the phone saying, "Please, Catnip. If we are really ok, let us be? She doesn't have a lot of female friends you know?"

Haymitch turned his big sad puppy eyes to me and I shook my head and kissed him, telling him he would have to be nice the whole time. He offered to call them back at once and make our apologies.

So away from dusty district twelve and silly Delly and Darious and their constant silent flare for hilarious disagreement and the red headed troupe they were responsible for, we whisk down the magnetic high speed rail on the happy train. After the happiest couple in District Twelve gave birth to the third squalling red-head, Haymitch and I bent our heads together, smirking and wondering if he hadn't been telling the truth when he'd long ago bragged at the virility of red-headed men.

Delly is bulging in the middle with twins, number four and five, right now and we decided they had made it their mission to repopulate District Twelve. It had been four years since the rebellion and the residents have been breeding like goats, one and all. There would have to be a school built soon because the old one, mostly rebuilt, would be too small for the youth population about to invade the school at this time. Everyone had new babies.

Haymitch and I avoided the subject like the plague. He knew how I felt and it had not changed. Bringing life into the world, even this calmer world, didn't guarantee they would be ok. The country's most famous drunk and the country's most famous crazy murderer really had no need to take on parenting. How could that have a good ending?

Other people had babies, but even if it shouldn't have been, with Gale, it was different. He was going to be more in some way. He was going to be a father and it was like he was a grown up now and I was still just a kid. Once I thought his children would be mine if I ever had any, so it was strange in a way that wasn't exactly jealousy and wasn't exactly anger that his life was now more solid, but it made me feel strange just the same.

I loved Haymitch, most of the time. I loved him. He did have moments I loved him less than others but I had no regrets for how things turned out. He was better for me than Peeta or Gale had ever been and I somehow knew that all along. Maybe it was just anxiety or melancholy. Or maybe my mind was turning toward the first little longings of one of my own.

I didn't have to explain things like this to Haymitch and that was a blessing for me. He pushed me, but never wondered silly things like what I was thinking or if I loved him. He knew. I could read him too. All our important things bubbled under our surface, hidden from others but perfectly plain to the two of us. Once he said those silly words of Peeta's to me, Haymitch lost much of his mystery to me. By the end of my first games, it was on his face if I had known how to read it back then.

"You are going to be fine. Sweetheart." He says randomly just as I need to hear it.

"I was worried about you," I lie. "You aren't quite housebroken and we are more accustomed to our privacy."

He leans over me wagging his eyebrows, "Worried the boy will realize he can't keep up with an old man?"

I laugh. "Worried Johanna will compare notes? Out loud?"

"Well that is rather inevitable, don't you think? I will win, I assure you." He says in a mildly snobby capitol inflection.

"You already did." He knows by this small agreement, rather than a sarcastic reply, that it is the equivalent to a normal person announcing they love someone on national television.

"Care to make it official? Seal your fate. Make me Mr. Mockingjay?" He purrs some such nonsense to me at least three times a week. He doesn't mean it any more than I mean my normal cruel responses, be they yes or no.

"Sure. We could have Effie set it up for our stop in the capitol. You would look so pretty in pink tuxedo and Plutarch could do a whole series of nosy sets on how sweet and mushy you really are. Why, I would be happy to blather on about all the deepest secrets of the new improved Haymitch. I imagine it would be watched with great interest."

He smirks at me, eyes glittering. "I might wear the pink tuxedo for you sweetheart, but if you ruin my boyish reputation, will you still respect me in the morning?"

My eyes go wide. "Why would anything change in the morning? I barely tolerate you now."

He nuzzles my neck and I squeeze his hand. Two older ladies, stroll by and hmph in disapproval. "Quit. Or I am going to go sit with the sisters of sunshine." I grin as I push him away.

He fixes one of his trademark glares at them, leaning out into the aisle. The women, speaking in disapproving whispers and still eyeing us, pretend they no longer are aware of us once he has bestowed a little of the Abernathy charm their way.

We eat a light lunch, get off the train and stroll around district six for two hours at that stop. He bought me silly trinkets and presented them like diamonds. I bought him the ugliest hat I had ever seen and the idiot wore it just to annoy me.

It is late at night when we pull into the station in District Two. A shiny car waits for us with Mockingjay flags announcing government sponsorship has taken care of our transport. I am a little annoyed we are met by strangers at the station rather than friends, but I am sure Mr. important can't be bothered.

"Katniss? Don't start." He says in my ear softly. His face pleads, though his words sounded more like a command.

"We could have walked. I told you we should have stayed at a hotel. They don't even meet us? Send a car? It is a Capitol thing to do." I whisper, venting that Gale has insulted us and Haymitch knows it.

"Katniss. Please. You would destroy Jo if you refuse to stay with her."

I sigh and nod as I stare out the window in a pout. That's all the apology he's getting.

Gale is standing out in front of the house as we pull up. It is only slightly more modest than our victor monstrosities, but it is still grand to seam eyes. He clamps me to him and I tense but allow the contact. "Sorry about the car, but I couldn't have Jojo sitting in the station for hours." He says quickly.

"They have schedules posted on the wall." I mention.

Gale looks at me and nods, looking up at Haymitch.

"What's she not telling poor simple minded Haymitch, boy?" Haymitch asks directly.

Gale grins, "She said you would catch on in two seconds. It's been hard on her, Haymitch. Life or death hard. I think this has been one of the …toughest things I have ever done. Watching her go through all this…it's been…"He glances at me, and I do understand the parallels he's making. He's again watching and waiting while a woman he loves fights and he is helpless. "I do what I can, to keep her comfortable, but…"

My whole mind kicks out of selfish gear and reverses into terrified worry. My heart revs like a hovercraft before takeoff.

"And the baby?" Haymitch asks quietly, hand stretching out to Gales shoulder.

He swallows and purses his lips. "Good. We hope. Be prepared, she not fat, she's swollen. She just wanted to see you both so badly."

"I feel like an ass for adding to your load. Popping in on you for a little vacation here. Kat mentioned we should stay in a hotel. If that would be…"

"No. Please. She wants. She just wants normal. Please stay with us. It's no trouble. We have a housekeeper and a cook. It isn't even a question of trouble…" He stops, looking at me as if he realizes it's me who doesn't want to stay. His eyes, expressive as ever, look so hurt.

"If you're sure we aren't a burden." I say and smile at him just a little, forgiving him for not meeting us and realizing he has bigger concerns than showing off to me. I feel bad for assuming that he was being anything other than sincere.

"The opposite in fact. She's been hiding it, you know how she is, but she's been…down. Really down. This means a lot." He glances at Haymitch." She looks forward to your calls. Been the big highlight of her day, the last couple of months." Gales face is so full of emotion he's terrifying me.

"Well keeping her waiting always puts her in fair conniption. How about if I sneak in there and see if I can piss her off royal and proper."

"I bow to the master." Gale says grinning. He takes my bags out of my hand and leads us into his house. A man greets us at the door and takes both mine and Haymitch's bags and begins lugging the entire mess down the hallway. Another fellow offers to show Mr. Abernathy the way to Mrs. Hawthorne's quarters and with a straight face asks if he may attend to the gentleman's hat.

I stare at Gale, dumfounded. "What the hell was that?"

He clears his throat and his ears turn red. "Butler and Attaché'"

"Any other fancy-smancy people doing things you used to do?"

"Yes. I do have dignitaries here on a regular basis that have certain standards." He shrugs, looking at the floor uncomfortably.

"Drivers, butlers, whatever the other guy is, cook, housekeeper. I suppose you have a lawn boy too? Not bad for a little outlaw seam boy." I say eyes twinkling.

"Five." He grins sheepishly. "Lawn boys. One's a lawn girl actually and one is in charge of the pool. So three lawn boys, one lawn girl and a poolman."

"I don't think Snow had that many servants."

"He didn't actually. He had slaves. These are employees, not servants."

"So, you going to show me the pool?"

"Well, sure. Of course. You can use it any time, you know."

I look at the little heavily lit square pond with bluish green water. I walk around it and he follows close behind. There is steam wafting from the water. "It's heated and everything. What do you think?"

I nod. "Nicer than the one at the training center."

He smiles softly, "It isn't as nice as our lake though."

"My lake now. My lake again." I say quietly.

He doesn't say anything but bends and dips his hand in the water.

"How come you didn't…come home. We never talked about it. It's fine whatever you say, just…I think about it sometimes." My lips and cheeks feel like they are radiating at this moment. I had never had the guts to ask him on the phone, but somehow it just blurted out.

"I was a coward." That is all he says but he turns, dropping a knee and looking up at me.

"What were you afraid of?"

"Do you remember? When you got released, Catnip?"

I shrug. " Some of it. Strangers came in and stuck IV's in my arms and dressed me and then I was on the hovercraft. With Haymitch. The only one who could still stand me. The one stuck with me."

"Katniss? I thought. You and he? You don't love him?" He's wearing a look of horror on his face as if his abandonment left me to be in the bed of a monster without choice.

"Of course I do. I love him. But that took a long time. He was the only one who could love me, like this. I understand that. Everyone else just…gave up or forgot about me. Even my own mother."

"I never forgot. Please tell me you read at least some of those letters. Haymitch said you did."

"I read them. Every one of them actually. Not one offered to visit me or said why you didn't want to."

"Are you sure you want this? We don't have to do this?"

"Don't we?" I meet his eyes.

He stands and crosses his arms. "One thing was, I needed you to forgive me."

I sigh and look at him holding my arms out in confusion, gesturing toward his house, "You weren't there to forgive. You were here, with all these paid strangers to be your family."

His eyes drop as he says more, "The other part was, those strangers who packed you up to leave for twelve. Not one of us, were strangers. Your mom put the IV in your arm. Haymitch and Flavious bathed you, dressed you. You didn't know me." His eyes search my face. " You forgot me. The only person you even recognized was Haymitch. I fed you and you didn't know we had ever met. Peeta had a breakdown when you couldn't respond. It was horrible. I expected to have to go back home for a funeral. Or a few of them. I couldn't be there to watch the rest of you die. I couldn't see you like that again. Hell you were already dead and I was wishing that I was."

"So I wasn't worth a word." It comes out as a self-hating whisper, but I accept it.

His head shakes. "You weren't in twelve for an hour when you tried to check out. If he'd been ten minutes later or he'd been too drunk. They had to give you blood, just to keep your heart going. Thank goodness they had the little worker clinic for the clean-up crews. You were more determined than ever to end it. That first week you were home, he told everyone to prepare themselves. He was determined to be there for you until the last breath. I couldn't be there when it happened. You nearly drove Haymitch to…" He turns away and stops speaking.

"To what? Commit me to an institution?"

"Do you know how Jo and I came to be?"

I shrug like I have no reason to know, "The two of you were together in thirteen. No denying that."

"I'm not denying it."

"So mystery solved. You kept in touch after the rebellion and shazam wedding bells."

He smirks. "We need to take lessons from her and him. They know more about us than we do, Catnip."

"You married a nosy busybody, what do you expect." I say laughing at his joke.

"You fell for the biggest gossip on the planet." He counters.

"So what's wrong with us? Why can't we talk anymore? "

He shakes his head. "Just out of the habit. The night you ran to the woods. He called Jo. Drunk. He told her goodbye. Told her to find someone and try to be happy. She was here, just visiting, she cried all night. Me too. My fault. I never thought I'd see you again. I waited to hear. Waited for the call. Found out it was over him. Peeta. Next I heard, he told her you came back. If she was here I got to hear about you. Sometimes, we were just all the other had left too. But you hated me and one day there was more, with her. I never thought you cared."

"I read them all in one day and burned them. And then..." I don't want to tell him the rest.

"My fault again. And Haymitch couldn't get anyone to help you. He was going mad, trying all sorts of things, some just silly. He didn't care what he had to do. He was about to hijack a train. I'm not kidding. He called me asking for blueprints, not tickets. I got your travel permission and the night before, just hours really before the train arrived, you came back. By that time, you belonged to him and she was everything I had." I nod and smile a little. He looks like a deer watching an avalanche. He whispers, "I can't lose her, Catnip."

I stand there for a minute watching the battle on his face. I finally move instinctively and put my arms around him. He pulls me tight and sobs in my shoulder. "You won't. She too strong. Just like you."

We stand there too long as if he hasn't broken down once and it is all coming out now. I like being there for him, like he has always been there for me whether I knew it or not. He's moved on and so have I, but it is finally something acceptable. I didn't give him any hope because I had none to give and he couldn't watch my final gasps of sanity. It wasn't anyone's fault. I feel scared for him. I love him again, not like the maybe we could have found once, just in a warm peaceful way.

"It's ok Gale. I forgave you and I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I still love you, but we shouldn't have pushed it all so far. She's going to be fine and you're going to be a Daddy…and I'm…" I take a deep breath and I am so certain of my words, "I'm going to be an Aunt."

He is suddenly grinning at me like a fool. His lips are pressed to my forehead as he says, "Thank you. You'll always be my Catnip."

I grin, "That's Aunt Catnip now."

Haymitch clears his throat. "She said to come check on the two of you. See which one of you survived."

"I'm going to be an Aunt." I announce joyfully.

Haymitch rolls his eyes. "Always late to the party, aren't you, sweetheart?"

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><p>The next part will be up as soon as I can<p> 


	3. Chapter 3 Every Day act II

Every day.

**Author**: **Howlynn**  
><strong>Realm<strong>: _The Hunger Games_, Suzanne Collins  
><strong>Story Title<strong>: Because she came here with me – Every day, act II

**Summary**:_ Haymitch and Katniss go on tour/holiday – will it give them peace or perdition . The first stop has storms brewing and yet rain makes rainbows - sometimes._

**Character/Relationships**: Haymitch/Katniss, Gale/Johanna

I** Disclaimer:** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Author note:** _Hey you said you wanted a sequel and by golly I was in a good mood so here you are. Have faith in the happy ending fairy._

* * *

><p>Johanna looks more shockingly horrible than I expect. Considering she's wearing a layer of full Capitol makeup and silky blue pajamas and is enthroned on a castle of a bed, it was hard to keep my face from revealing how terrible and how not Johanna she looked.<p>

"Wait, you call this suffering a pregnancy? Cook, butler, swimming pool. You are such a spoiled brat." I say cheerfully.

She beams, "Yeah, I guess he's doing an adequate job of keeping up my Capitol lifestyle. But let me tell you, clients were just the prep team of body torture; this kid has them beat all to hell. I have never been so miserable or sober since My games and that alone is a shock to my system. I look like someone shoved a hose down my throat and forgot to turn off the water."

Her description was rather accurate. I climbed up the three steps to her bed, and flopped in to hug her. She soon had my hand resting on her silky huge tummy. There was movement and suddenly this baby was real to me and I loved it. My heart filled up with elation at this new little person about to enter the world, clean and whole and perfect. I spoke to it, sang to it and possessively told it I was the best Aunt in the whole world. I informed this little person that Aunt Posy was a mean little witch who made children eat horrible things like boiled turnips and slimy greens, while I offered fare such as sugar cookies and roasted rabbit.

"You make cookies?" she asked hungrily, "Like, baker-boy cookies?"

"I stole his recipe book. He never came back to get it. I am bringing it to him on this trip actually. What do you think gave Mr. Awesome that new spare flotation device?" I ask in a conspiring way.

She smiles at me, then snickers and takes my hand, "I am so glad about you and Haymitch. I was so afraid you would never…see him. Haymitch loves deep you know. You hurt him again and I will kick your ass."

"Hurt Hawthorne all you want. I love your work so far, he is much less volatile. He's a good guy. They both are."

She sighs and winks, "I know. Gale put up with your lame ass all those years, figured screwed up was familiar to him. Speaking of, How's Peeta?"

"Too everything. Just like normal. Too sweet. Too cheerful. Too perfect. Too likeable. It's a sickness."

"But his cookies – oh my God. And those turned over fried pies."

"I can bake you cookies. You're on your own for pie. Mine taste ok, but they come out ugly. Hay calls them my mangled abominations."

"But, he still eats them." One of her eyebrows raise.

"It's Haymitch. He lived on molded cake and corn mush for twenty years. I am an upgrade."

"He cooks." She says as if she's confused, "He used to cook for the whole crew at his apartment in the Capitol. It wasn't that bad."

"For other people. He won't just for him. Opened a can and wolfed it down once or twice a week, cold. Won't even heat it up if it's just him."

"Gross."

"You should have seen his house in its Hay-Day. Indescribable."

She looks down. "You know I'm more scared for Gale then me. Saw what he was like over you. Swear. Something happens, You and Haymitch get your asses here. He's not as big and tough as he wishes he was."

I reached out and took her hand, like I had sometimes in the hospital. "You're too busy spending his money to notice I guess, but it was you who put him back together. I'm Hawthorn solvent, so you better plan on just popping out this little half-demon brat and sticking around. You're his glue."

She looks up at me and laughs. "I was just hoping you were less brainless these days. Haymitch never had much attraction to stupid. I still don't get you and Haymitch, lowered my perception of how smart he is by a couple notches. Gale too. Don't abandon him again idiot. Whether I stick around or not?"

"So good to see you. Preggers and miserable that is." I say back.

"What about you? Peeta is a Daddy, Gale will be soon. I gave into the great big picture. Haymitch isn't getting any younger. When are you going to make an honest man out of him? Pop out a miniature ass-clown or two? Be normal?"

I don't speak for several minutes; she keeps her painted on snide smile in place, playing the patience game far better than I can. "Nothing has changed for me. I don't want them. No reason for him to be tied down to me, not like I'll change my mind."

"So you're saying you're leaving Haymitch on the market? You'd be fine if he up and got hitched to Mary-Sue homemaker? Please, who do you think I am?"

I look up. "No, I wouldn't be fine with it. I wouldn't stop him either. If that's what he wants, he's free to pick it."

"New word for you. It isn't brainless. It's freaking heartless."

I snicker. "Freaking? Where'd you pick up all the sweet-bread words?"

"Hey, I am not sending the little Storm-muffin here off to school with a vocabulary that will melt the eye-glass frames off all the smart teacher chicks." She looks horrified.

"Oh yeah. He should speak like an angel. That will fool them all."

She swallows and rubs her tummy, like she's comforting the baby inside. "I really want to be a decent mom you know? I had one who was once. Wasn't her fault, I became what I did."

"That's where you and I don't see the same angle, Jo. It is their fault. They knew. They took a chance it wouldn't happen to their daughters. To us. But, they picked bringing us in the world, knowing what could happen to us. Then, it did. You didn't ask for any of it. Me either. They did. I can't do it. It's fine for you. I'm not saying it isn't now. So much better odds."

"The games are over now."

" But, for me. Well, the games weren't the only factor. My mom used to, just float away for months at a time. I've already been as close to a Mom as I will ever get. I didn't have a choice. I failed. I didn't keep her safe. I won't do it again. I may be selfish and stupid, but I'm not as heartless as you think. I won't be responsible for bringing someone into the world and then breaking their heart every time, I check out. I won't teach another soul, that they aren't worth …being part of their life. I won't be that kind of burden."

"You wouldn't. You are better than you think. It was a complete surprise to me, that I could still…feel anything. I do, you know? It was all still right there, in me. To love it, I mean. I thought they took it. I thought it was just gone. I mean the possibility was gone, but I was sure even if it wasn't, physically impossible. I didn't have it in me to love anymore. I couldn't have been more wrong."

"I'm glad for you Jo. You and him. I am. But, I'm not like you. I'm not strong enough. I know you are. I just don't have it anymore. I didn't start out with the little dream and so it never grew. I don't want to lose Haymitch. He would hate being a father. That is terrible to say, but it is one of our bonds. Anybody else he was with, would one day start to push for that. He won't and neither will I, so it's ok, for us. If he changes his mind, I'll have to deal with it the best I can. For now, what we have is good enough."

"I know you think you are right. But Katniss, you aren't. You just haven't gotten there."

"I never will."

"What if it happens? I mean storm-muffin was a complete shock. You going to just sweep it away, without even a chance? Does Haymitch even get a vote? "

"We are careful."

She laughs hard and flabbergasted. She asks in a goading teasing voice, "You think careful matters? Impossible and never and can't be done with the full arsenal of capitol medicine couldn't help me. And l either have a really bad case of gluttony on my hands here or none of those permanent words of power worked. Here I am. All I'm asking you is, what if? You have a plan for what if, Mockingjay?"

Haymitch and I lay in bed staring into the darkness after our usual round of nightly regard. It was really the only time of day that we dropped our masks of affectionate detached annoyance and really would have made heads turn at our silly sappy seductions of each other. We were both tired from our trip and it was early morning, but our selfish appetites for each other had priority to sleep. Even if I were in Jo's condition at this moment, and the full blown event could not be, there would have been cuddled caresses and the need for our intimate bits of whispered conversation.

It was our most private part of the day and served to connect us, no matter how we had managed the daylight, even if we went to bed in full throttle unresolved anger, these moments were separate, above all, outside of all the world.

This was when he could ask things of my heart and receive relatively honest answers and I could inquire of his past and be spoken to without the sarcastic edge he wore like armor. This was our healing time, and it was rare that we ever let it pass. I had not ever been overt in my physical needs. I had assumed celibacy suited him. We were both rather surprised that in this area, the other felt such strong demand on such a high level. He had come to believe the act drudgery and I had been so shut down and terrified of it that there was little outward indication that we would have found such requirement to be so consuming.

Delly complained regularly that Darious wanted to consummate their marriage three and sometimes four times in a week. I did not mention that Haymitch and I could happily make due with her allotment on a daily basis. I had ask him once if we were normal, confessing that I was worried there had to be something wrong with me and fearing I was some kind of demanding horror. He'd held me and smiled as he spoke. He teased me a little and said his time suffering the role he'd been so secretive about as a capitol whore was just preparation for our perfectly tuned physical desire.

He confessed he'd never needed someone like he did me and that it pleased him that I seemed to want his attentions so often. He was so careful to make sure it was a real desire and not him pushing me into thinking this equaled love. He wanted me to know that his constant state of readiness didn't mean I was expected to perform for him. He made all of our rhythms and explorations of each other solely my choice.

I was still a virgin when he'd stood in my living room after Peeta's broadcast had brought out my stupid suggestion that he had to call Effie that next day and confess his love. I had never once suspected that he'd brought me home, loving me enough to hold me together and try to make me want to live even if he planned to break his own heart by handing me to another man.

He could be such a mean spirit, yet he would have sacrificed his own happiness to give me what he thought I wanted. Peeta had truly broken my heart and so had Gale. Only when I demanded that he go away and find someone that he could love did he finally admit, he had no hope of love if it meant leaving me to live a life of lonely sorrow. Only when I was strong enough to make an honest choice, that he was sure was not based on desperation or fear did he finally allow me to be his.

We were not married. We didn't make plans for lifetime commitment and yet we were committed to each other in some broken insane way that went beyond anything I had ever guessed could be. He filled up my terrible damaged places and I made his blood boil like a man who hadn't spent my whole lifetime trying to slowly poison himself with alcohol and despair. Haymitch and I were like combining two kinds of darkness and it somehow creating light.

Gale had thought for a moment I didn't love Haymitch. I couldn't even explain how much I loved him. I didn't have to explain to Haymitch. That alone made it easier to show.

"I was jealous for a moment tonight. When I found you in his arms, for a split second, I think my heart stopped beating entirely, sweetheart." He murmurs into my hair softened with a kiss.

"Thank you. I have the same thing happen sometimes when I hear you on the phone, talking and laughing with Jo. I have wondered about you sometimes. If she and Gale didn't make a go of it, would you give up on me and run to her?"

He leans back and looks at me, head tilted in amusement. "Really? That has crossed your mind?"

"I don't want to lose you. I know I might someday. I always worry that keeping the door open for you to pick someone better means someday you just might."

"Then close the door. Be my wife. I won't leave even if you say no, but I am willing to give you anything you need to prove my words."

I look at him, waiting for the joke, but it doesn't follow. "You mean it this time don't you?"

"Katniss, marry me. I couldn't survive your loss at this point. I told you once I would never push you, but I know that I can't ever see you in another's arms. You have given me a glimpse of peace. I wouldn't mind knowing you intend to be here until I have no choice in leaving you. Is it such a terrible thought?"

"I don't know. It is not a terrible thought, but it just seems so full of expectations. Is it something you really feel strongly about?"

"I do. I would like to call you my wife, but it won't change anything if you think about it seriously for a while. I don't think I am capable of letting you go so even if you say no, it will be in your heart that I extended the invitation."

"But it means we intend to tie futures. This stops being just a day at a time. It's not just you and me in our now."

His eyes drop and he nods. "It does. You will have to decide if you really intend to stay with a grouchy drunk old enough to be your father, the same age as your mother, or if you are still thinking of kicking me to the curb, when you stop needing me."

I watch him as what he is asking plays in my head. He is visible to me in the moonlight, but I don't think he sees as well in darkness as I do because his face is not pleased about our conversation. He's not hiding how sad he is right now. He lies back down, saying no more.

"Why are you crying?" I whisper after a few minutes.

"You'd be a fool to say yes," he says.

"No, I just am weighing how stupid I have to be to actually say no."

He takes a deep breath. "Well, think about it and right now we need to get some sleep."

I lay awake and his face eventually relaxes. The sounds of the house are foreign to me. People walk quietly up and down the hall on occasion. There are pots clinking softly and food smells. There are quiet conversations and feeling as if I have barely drifted off, a familiar sound pops my eyes back open. I hear his voice murmuring softly in the kitchen. Gale always was an early riser. I softly get up and throw on my robe and make my way to the bustling kitchen.

He is on the phone while a man with blue and white streaked hair busies himself at the stove. I am almost on a bar stool, before the man turns and his eyes widen and his breath sucks in loudly. I had moved too quietly and he was startled. "Oh, Good morning Madam? You're…" He regains his professional manner with a look of annoyance from Gale. "I beg your pardon. Would you prefer your coffee with cream, a selection from the flavor bar or plain sugar?"

"Hadley, Miss Everdeen takes her coffee black with too much sugar, like Odair did. He taught her to drink it."

The chef looks at me and a small smile and a nod convey to me that the name Gale slung so thoughtlessly, didn't bring me alone pain. When he sets the coffee down, I boldly ask. "You knew him?"

His eyes drop and he nods, wringing his cloth nervously. "I was his personal chef for six years."

"May I ask you a favor?"

"Of course, Madam."

"No. I mean one that might be hard. I have a recipe book and I am taking it to… do you know who Annie is?"

"Of course I do." He says quietly.

"Well It Belongs to Peeta but if you would, could you write any of his favorite recipes in the back. I know you probably are not one to share, but it would be nice for his son to grow up eating the things that made Finn happy. Is that something you would do?"

There are tears in his eyes. He takes a moment to respond. "I would be honored."

I smile and he checks some things on the stove then returns to me with a list of breakfast offerings. Gale ends his call and slides in next to me. "Hi. Did you sleep well?"

"New place." I shake my head.

"Yeah. At all?"

"A little. You're up pretty early?"

"Work. One of us has to pay for all these groceries and the artists who transform them into something worth eating."

"Did you sleep at all?" I ask.

"Not really. I don't do that much anymore," he says and I see the lines his skin has attained in a short few years, testament to strain and sleepless nights.

"Any reason?"

"Many. You are not happy this morning about something. Come on, lets have a stroll?"

"I'm in a bathrobe."

He laughs and tells the chef to bring our breakfast to the gym. "Indoors. Bathrobe is fine. This way."

I grab my coffee and follow him past the pool into a white room full of exercise contraptions. In a corner he steps on a platform and waves me to join him. "Ready?"

I nod confused. The walls around us transform as the surface of the floor begins moving. Projected around us is a beautiful forest. It is familiar. My eyes are fooled as I look around at the image of our woods in District Twelve. "Oh my God. It's like being there." I whisper in awe.

"I walk here almost every day. Sometimes it helps. Sometimes I feel close to you. I dreamed of you here. This is better than sleep."

The sounds are a perfect summer day. The sky is blue and scent packs do a remarkable job of recreating all the olfactory sensations in perfect detail. I grin at him. "This is so strange."

"You like it?"

"I thought you forgot."

"No. I just couldn't find you. So ready to tell me yet?"

I walk for a few minutes. "He asked me. I don't know what to say. How did you decide?"

His eyes close. He is frowning. "I made her laugh one night and knew I didn't want to stop. I couldn't ever hope to fix you, but something about me fixed her and that part soothed so much of my broken that I blurted it out one night like a fool. She didn't speak to me for three weeks. I thought I was going to die. I shattered into nothing. I worked. I drank. I worked again. I thought she was gone for good this time."

"What changed? I was at your wedding. You knew."

"I acted like a self-destructive jerk. Brought some broad home from a club. She was at my house. We walked in and she had scribbled yes across the living room wall in blood red lipstick. She threw the woman out, drug me to the bedroom and after yelling at me until I thought about jumping in the pool, just for the satisfaction of knowing she'd watch me drown, she sat on the bed and cried. She demanded a big diamond ring if I meant it. I had bought one, no hope it would work, but bought it in case she came back someday, so I could ask again, do better the next time, and here she was and all I could worry about was that she'd say no because it wasn't big enough."

I grin at him for being such an idiot. "And was it? Too small, sweetheart?" I slide the double entendre' at him with a smoking evil glance at his crotch.

"I guess it was ok. You were at the wedding." He sputters in shock, and makes faces of mortified terror that I have just said anything so colorful.

"So it all worked out." I can't help how pleased I am to have embarrassed him.

He nods and then his face returns to its earnest far away softness. " And then some reality set in. Posy isn't so thrilled. Haymitch was furious. And I wasn't up for the big storm coming. She changed her mind a dozen times. I did to, but in a different way. "

"But then how did you know?"

"I don't. Not even this minute. I love her. I want it to be. But I can't say I know I did her any favors. I think I hope more than know."

"That isn't very helpful."

He shrugs. "Did I see the wedding fairy manifest above her sainted head? No. Did I have a million doubts. Yes. Did I think about someone else and wonder if I was making a mistake? None of your business. Did I know I was doing the right thing? Not even close. Did I love her enough to chance my life with her would be greater with her, than it could be without her? No doubt of any kind."

I look up at him. His eyes sparkle and his eyebrows rise in a questioning innocence.

"What should I do?"

He looks out at the view and points out we are strolling by the image of our rock now. "Tell him to go screw himself and watch the show. Pick out a stylish box for the old bastard."

"Gale!"

"Sorry. Jo's rubbed off on me a little. Stupid question, Catnip. What would it do to him if you ever leave him?"

"I won't."

His eyes widen like he is expecting more. "Ok, then ask yourself this. What did we do to each other? Think you and he can ever come out on this end? If you can't live without him, there is only one answer. You are cursed to live with him."

"You think I should marry him then? You don't think I'm too…Fragmented?"

"Are you saying you don't deserve it if it makes you too happy?"

I shrug.

"Do you think I deserve to be miserable for what I did? Maybe dead? Is that what you think I deserve, for Prim?" His voice is not playful. It is a noxious whisper.

I take a minute to analyze what he's saying and control the slap I feel like delivering for saying her name. He pushes a button and the floor stops moving at once, but the scenery continues to change and it makes me feel unbalanced. I turn to face him, his jaw works and he isn't quite hiding his fury and it confuses me.

"Say it. For once in your dammed life, say what you really feel. Say it."

The door opens and breakfast is served.

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><p>Reviews are appreciated.<p> 


	4. Chapter 4 Every Day actIII

Because She Came Here With Me—Every day act III

**Author**: **Howlynn**  
><strong>Realm<strong>: _The Hunger Games_, Suzanne Collins  
><strong>Story Title<strong>: Because she came here with me – Every day  
><strong>Summary<strong>:_ Haymitch and Katniss spend the first day at Gale and Johanna's house. Will it be the last?_  
><strong>CharacterRelationships**: Haymitch/Katniss

I** Disclaimer:** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

><p>Say it?<p>

What was there to say? What did he want to hear?

I took my seat at the little table just beyond the rails of the walking projector. The picture is paused now, just past our spot, but still in familiar territory.

Hadley carefully placed the plates in front of each of us after laying a brilliantly frilly cloth, napkins and silverware. Gale mumbles his curt thanks and I nod mine silently. I stare down at the beautiful foods after Hadley made his exit.

Gale shoveled his food in his mouth, barely chewing and now ignoring me entirely.

Finally after picking at the food for ten minutes I say, "You're so mad and I don't understand."

His fork drops noisily on his plate and he wipes his mouth with the napkin he had on his lap and tosses it on the nearly empty plate. "I'm just tired of your suppressed hatred, Katniss. Hate me. But this fake friend bit isn't doing us any good."

"I don't hate you?"

"Really? Or is it just like your love? You know it's there but you slice it and dice it and bury it up to its eyeballs at the surf line and wait for the tide to come in and wash it away? Well I'm the one you buried, sweetheart. I held my breath forever. Held my tongue. Held on. But, now someone else wants to spend the rest of his life with you and all you can think about is how much you need to be punished. You're too much of a mess to ever care about anyone. She killed it all. Her death killed everything about you. Say it. It's my fault. I killed your ability to love anything for the rest of your life. But now someone else has to pay too. You are still going through the motions waiting for someone to punish you. He doesn't know how bad it will get when you leave him, poor bastard. It doesn't take much of a leap to realize, that's what you want for me too. Punishment and sorrow. Blame and regret. I spent years there and you're not dragging me back. I'm done being dead ever again until I actually am. You suit yourself."

"So you're mad at me because I don't hate you? And you call me a mess?" I am shattering and lost at what he's saying. I can't believe he hates me so much. Where is the man I smoothed it all over with? Why get me released? He asked me to come.

He stands, pushes his chair in and leans over to speak. "I don't know what he did, to ever deserve you. It must have been something really bad. I know every day, why I have to probably watch her die. She doesn't deserve this. I don't deserve to be asked to exist without her. And you? I might deserve your hatred, but I don't deserve to be treated like your half-cloaked comments aren't precisely what they are."

My face is stone. We should never have come here. That is my best friend. That is the best I can hope for. Other people think less of me than that, because he knows me best.

I hear him all the way down the hall; he's not masking his footsteps at all. I stand up and walk down the hallway like I am in terror of noise, the hunted not the hunter. Liquid leaks out of my face, cooling my burning cheeks. Haymitch is still asleep. I want to crawl in bed with him. I just want to let him fix me again. But Gale is right. I am nothing but pain in his life. My best friend just called me the equivalent to Haymitch's penance.

I made him cry last night because I couldn't even tell him a simple yes. I couldn't tell this man, that loved me when nobody else would, that I could exist without him, but I didn't want to. Because I love him more than all of it. Well, I thought I did. I can't feel it now. I can't feel anything. I'm not happy or sad. I am not like Johanna. He's right about me. I can't feel anymore. I am dead. Everyone knows but me. I don't know what I said that made him, tell me the truth?

I leave the room and go back to the table in the gym and poke at my food. I hear Gale and Johanna. They argue. He leaves and the whole house goes quiet with a few barked orders at lurking strangers and the slamming of the door.

Hadley comes and goes several times. I just sit and stare at a tree. A fake tree. A tree I know and have climbed once upon a time, when the world was still real. Every leaf is there. Every crook of its branch and yet it is nothing. It doesn't exist here and the one that does exist is bigger and a bout of web worms two years ago killed the lowest branch. Gale lives here. He walks every day in a past that doesn't exist.

Haymitch comes in. He sits and watches me for a long time. The tree that isn't, sways on invisible breeze then the wall is blank. Haymitch takes my hand. I can still see the tree if I pretend. I can move my mind between the real one my memory carries and the perfect older version that doesn't exist.

"Sweetheart. What has happened?"

I can hear him, but my throat is bound. I shake my head and shrug.

"Is this because I asked you to marry me?"

"No. I ask him what I should do."

"And what did he say?"

"Just the truth. I'm a sentence in hell, not someone to care about. He's right. I thought I was getting better, but…"

"You are. You are getting better. You surprise me every day."

I look at him and shake my head. "No. And to it all, No. I can't love anything. I'm sorry."

I pick myself up and go to our room. I get dressed. And he follows me trying to joke and be sweet and I can't get enough air to laugh. He tries the thing that usually works. I shake my head. I know it hurts his feelings. I go back to the pool and stare at it. I don't have a suit.

I don't quite remember getting in or why I thought it was ok to swim in front of the staff naked but I remember thinking I was alive in the water and it was very important that I keep swimming. So that was what I did. Until I couldn't any longer and as soon as I began sinking, Haymitch was there, pulling me up with a hook and then there were other voices fussing and a commotion. It was dark outside beyond the glass. I stared at nothing and snuggled to Haymitch as he carried me down the hall.

I heard them talking outside this room. The voices from the hallway were angry. I couldn't move a muscle. I had to focus to make myself understand the sounds and turn them back from simple noise into actual words. I open my eyes and try to listen.

"Because she came here, hoping and trying. How dare you!"

There is low murmuring, I can't understand the words.

"Tell that to her. I would have never brought her here if I had any idea you would set her back years over breakfast. What did you want her to say? She was so frightened of you and you proved she had every right to be. "

I can't hear what he says.

"I think maybe the last ten hours she just spent in your pool might clue you in." The door to our room slams.

My eyes are open, but as soon as I know he's alone, I close them again.

He's frustrated and I hear the zipper. I hear him open the seal and the soft bubble as the liquid drains quickly from the bottle. He sets it down and I hear him getting undressed. He transfers the bottle to his night stand and I feel his weight on the bed next to me.

His fingers caress my shoulder and move on replaced by his lips. My stomach aches and I don't move or respond.

"Katniss, it is just you and me. Please. At least talk to me. He didn't mean it. He always was an ass-hole in my opinion. " He pets my hair and kisses me on my neck. My skin responds like it always does to his touch and Goosebumps dapple my bits of normal skin.

I feel like I am floating.

"I know you aren't asleep. I'll never understand what that man does to you that makes you go away. He winks you out and Peeta makes you want to die. What must I do to your poor little soul with my cruel words and constant stupidity? It's ok if you don't want to talk, but just say something so I know your still in there. "

I swallow and whisper, "You save me and bring me back. That's what Haymitch does to my soul."

"Maybe. I wonder if it will ever be enough." He says but I know it is half question, half challenge. He wants to keep me talking.

When I don't, he rolls over and I hear him lift the bottle again. It takes all the energy I have just to roll onto my back. I am far to drained physically to do more. "Don't. If you have to drink me away, it just proves what he said. You are enough. It's me who isn't."

He sets the bottle down and rolls himself back, looking in my eyes and scooping me into his arms. "Do you want to go home? I will make arrangements right now. We can be gone in the morning. To hell with him."

"You can't. Jo needs some time with you. You make her laugh."

"She'll understand."

"No. Haymitch. She could die. This might be all you guys get. I'm ok. I'll just stay out of his way. We knew this was going to be bad. I'm sorry. I thought he and I were friends again. I really thought it was all ok and I fell for it. It was just a snare. He wanted to see if he could still tear me apart and he knew just how to do it. He wins. But only because he's right."

"He isn't right."

"Hay, he told me that when I disappeared that one night, you threatened to kill yourself."

"One night? Try three, sweetheart. I thought you were dead."

"I was only gone one. When you told me Peeta was never coming back for me. I left and came back the next afternoon. You were on the floor, drunk. Did you call her and tell her that?'

"No." He says then shakes his head. "Maybe. Yes, I don't know. I could have. But you left on Tuesday and came back Saturday afternoon. The days were warm, but the nights were not. I lost it somewhere that second night. I had searched all day. But, I dreamed things and I was so sure one of them had to be true. I won't lie. Probably did call her by that point."

"I only thought it was one day. What if it happened now? If I forgot one of your rules while I was faded out. Is that what you would do?" I stare at the ceiling; I can see the tree like it is burned into my retinas.

"Please don't ask. I can tell you anything you want to hear, but I don't know. I imagine if I was going to, I would have by now. Drinking myself into a coma and falling down the stairs with a broken neck seems a bit more likely. I don't want to think about it. Are you …"

"No. But it does come back sometimes. Now, it isn't just me. Now I have to be responsible for you too. He's right about that too. I can't let you hurt like that, but I might not know. I am your abyss, punishing, penance. Just like he said." I shake my head, hopeless and trapped.

" He doesn't know you anymore. Maybe he thinks he does, but I have no doubts about you. You have never been my penance, sweetheart. Can't you see? I would survive it all again happily if I knew you were going to be here waiting at the end. I'd volunteer for it to get back to you."

"I wouldn't. For me, I'd take the pain. Just mine. Not cheat everyone else. Not if it meant Prim or Finnick. If I could have saved one of them, even Cinna or Portia. I would have eaten the berries to save Peeta his time in the capitol. I would never be here if I knew what it would do to everyone else. They would all be alive right now if I had known."

"And that proves he's wrong. You love so deeply it consumes you. I do see you much more clearly than he ever did. So trust me, not him."

"Would you really? Would you really let them all die?"

His breath hitches and his face scrunches. "I don't think you will like my answer. I am a selfish bastard. I know my head says that I would be like you. That I would change something to save them. But my heart is screaming that it would kill the whole world to have you. I don't know which one would win and I don't want to know."

I look at his serious face and shake my head. It strikes me as funny that he never looked in his own mirror.

He would never have picked this. If he was so selfish he would have put me away and thrown away the key long ago. He would have gone off and lived in debauchery and invented new ways to sin if he were the man he thinks he is. He would have liked being a victor and all that it entailed. "You're such an idiot. How can you know me so well and still put up with me, when you know so little about yourself."

"Is that a smile?" he kisses me, just soft chaste little pecks of sweetness. I feel it crawling across my face widening, swimming toward my eyes. "Hello smile. I missed you. Yep, the whole fucking world is screwed if I get to keep this little face smiling."

"You are a pathetic romantic old fool. And I do love you. I'm sorry I let him get to me."

"Well, rule number eighty-seven zillion. Hawthorne is not allowed to have an opinion about you that matters in any way. I am the only opinion that counts."

"You're going to have to write all these damned rules down for me someday. Ever since you brought me home. Do you remember rule number one?"

He lifts my wrists and kisses the scars. "I do remember. And all the permutations you insisted I specifically forbid."

"No, I mean, you said that you made wild love to me then I crawled over you and you pulled me down straddling you and made rule number one. Was that an accident? You already loved me. I didn't know, so it didn't seem…did you think about it? Did you do that, kind of, on purpose?"

"Was I taking advantage of an opportunity to touch you in an inappropriate way at that time?" he asks me with a hint of amused offence.

"Sorry. It just crossed my mind. I know you took good care of me. It just crossed my mind, looking back."

He nuzzles me and leans into me, showing me he is in his usual evening splendor. "Hell yes I took advantage of it. Every chance I got. I kind of thought you might catch on."

My eyes go wide. "Haymitch!"

"What? I didn't molest you. But you can't seriously say you never noticed what occurred every time you would climb in my lap and rock for two hours."

"I didn't. I really didn't. What happened?"

He rolls his eyes. "Let's just say I enjoyed it way more than you did."

"You mean, it…" I stare at him in shock.

He smiles at me, eyes twinkling and unashamed of his behavior in any way. "You had been around Peeta. I know you had seen him. He often mentioned how polite you were about it."

"I knew sometimes but he was so shy, I never saw much. He just had to break away sometimes. I didn't mean to cause anything and him being embarrassed, embarrassed me more." I tell him and then I get back to the subject, " So I would be obliviously upset and you, would be almost or all the way enjoying it? "

" Sweetheart, you rocked my world before you ever gave a damned. Sometimes more than once in a single crying jag."

"I can't believe you." I am amused, but somehow I am offended to. I adore doing this for him, but it feels immoral to have caused this without any knowledge.

" I didn't initiate it and I didn't push you to ever move in any way that brought it about. I couldn't help what occurred and I didn't dare let you imagine I was rejecting you by making you stop and I had no wish to come straight to the point and explain. But I did think you suspected. There were times you looked right at me as I came undone. Did my rapid wardrobe change when you would finally take that deep sigh and say you were hungry never strike you as the least bit strange?"

I thought back to all those times. "I thought you didn't like my snot on your shirt."

He laughs full to the belly. I slap him playfully. "And did you ever think to relive my stress in similar fashion?"

His eyes lock on me and he is dead serious again. "Yes. Once." He says no more.

"And what happened?"

He searches my face and tears well but he sniffs and blinks them away. "It worked."

"In what way?"

"You came back. A few minutes later, you demanded to know why you were wet and I lost my mind and kissed you. And you let me."

"In the shower." I say far away trying to mine that tidbit out of my wrecked memory banks.

He smiles and closes his eyes at the pleasure the memory brings him. "You were so beautiful and you came back to me. I loved you so much at that second and I never intended, but you were not quite and your response was the most intoxicating thing, god I was ashamed and yet it…"

"You aren't making sentences."

"I am lecherous and without any hope of redemption."

"Tell me."

"No. But next time we have a shower, I'll show you. It was too beautiful and perfect to try to make you understand with words."

"We'll pretend." I laugh and groan at how it hurts my muscles.

"That's my girl. Making her little plans."

"And I can barely move, but I need a dose of that Haymitch restoration elixir."

He obliges.

He sighs deeply as we are drifting on moonlight. His voice is sleepy and slurred with exhaustion. "So about tomorrow. What do you want to do?"

"I was thinking, " I look down at the top of his head and slip my arm around his cranium and give it a gentle squeeze. " that it would be a good day to get married."

The differences between waking him up with cold water and my statement are subtle. He is instantly alert and confused. He doesn't wave a knife around and he is in a perfectly opposite mood from the cold water technique. His facial expression is exactly the same.

* * *

><p>Yes there are a few more, but Please be patient or consider reviewing while you wait =)<p> 


	5. Chapter 5

Because She Came Here With Me—Every day act IV

**Author**: **Howlynn**  
><strong>Realm<strong>: _The Hunger Games_, Suzanne Collins  
><strong>Story Title<strong>: Because she came here with me – Every day  
><strong>Summary<strong>:_ Haymitch and Katniss have a lot of stuff to talk about. Gale kicks them out of the pool._  
><strong>CharacterRelationships**: Haymitch/Katniss

I** Disclaimer:** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

><p>Haymitch just keeps looking at me. I swallow in terror that he's changing his mind. I am about to tell him never mind when he finally manages a choked, "Why?"<p>

My eyes go wide and fierce with betrayal. "You asked! You started this whole mess. I was expecting a yes, not…"

He blinks and shakes his head, a grin finally sparking his lips to action. "Hell Yes. But now, I need you to tell me? Why would you say yes, sweetheart?"

I sigh in relief. I know why, but I don't know how to explain. "If I say, you can't talk until I get done."

"Deal." He says no more and waits expectantly.

"Because, it doesn't matter one way or the other."

His face falls and he doesn't say anything but he mimes looking down at his chest and up at me in terror then tries to yank an invisible arrow out of his heart before falling dead on the bed and crossing one of his eyes. I extend my legs suddenly and shove him the rest of the way off the bed.

There is cursing. "That counts as talking." I say.

His head pops up past the edge, "It does not. I think you shattered my wedding bone..."he rubs his butt standing up.

"Darius talks exactly like that. It counts."

"And that's a shitty reason to marry someone," he says then does an impression of me, "It doesn't matter one way or another you stupid, ugly, bird toy."

I grin meanly and say sweetly, "I didn't say that. You are very handsome. Now shut up or I'll just let you wonder for a year or two."

He takes his seat back on the bed, turns on his lamp and lifts his bottle. He gives me a look that says he deserves a drink if he's got to listen to my crap.

I shrug and try to think. "I love you very much—"

"Why wasn't that the first part?"

I glare at him silently and he gives me a rolling finger to continue as he braces himself with another drink.

"I am afraid you will regret this. Regret me. I don't want anyone but you, but I knew I needed to keep you safe. From me. I thought that if I had a bad spell and messed up the rules, that so long as I hadn't made you any promises, then you would just. Like Peeta and Gale, be sad a little then forget I was ever here. I thought I was sort of protecting you from your own lost cause, crazy, messed up, project girlfriend. I didn't know you thought about what I can't seem to get rid of entirely. I would never hurt you on purpose."

I take a deep breath and I take his hand and I can't look at him, he wants to talk so badly. He shoves his bottle at me and I take it and bubble the contents with a long draw. I like the taste now. It tastes like him. I return the bottle to him hoping to get this over with. " But I thought that if I promised my life to you then took it away, it would change something. But it doesn't make any difference. You love me too much and I kill you too, either way. We are both already trapped and so making sure everybody knows you are my Haymitch forever, doesn't put you in any more danger. Maybe, no matter where I am when I'm not in here, whatever put me in the pool last night, will know you are important enough to try to keep swimming. Your very first rule was actually to stay alive. Even if it doesn't work, at least you know. I tried. I didn't ever mean to leave you. I wanted you to know. Maybe it will help. Is that ok?"

He just looks at the floor and nods. He stands up, dresses and leaves. I don't know what to do. Did he go to get away, get a witness or get sick? Is he coming back? I get up and quickly find clothes so I can go look for him.

A booming voice shouts a war whoop outside into the night. It sounds again. I shake my head and laugh. He hasn't made that sound since I got a high score in my first games. A few minutes pass and he sedately comes strolling back into the room with two glasses and a very large bottle of champagne. "Look what I found. Stole us some of the good stuff."

"Pilfered hooch, romance at its finest."

At some point that night, we were in the pool again, laughing with as much discretion as our now matching bathing suits were allowing. Our clothing had not all made it to the pool, though a pair of pants churned near the filter, and the items that did were charmingly decorative. My bra is contently weighing down a leaf on a potted palm frond while my underwear is having a grand time whipping around on a ceiling fan. Haymitch had shot them upward and they just looped onto a blade perfectly. We were not aware that we were being observed. Evidently, we were not aware for quite some time and not in the exact frame of mind to care much once we were aware.

"Please stop fucking in the pool. The staff has complained." Gale says trying so hard not to let his eyes wander and yet I catch them and smirk drunkenly at him.

"Our deepest regrets. For offending the…staff," Haymitch says turning to Gale. My head lolls backward and I look at him upside down. He looks so funny all mad and bristly.

"I mean it. Get out of my pool. Now."

"Hang on, Sweetheart. We have offended our host and his Staff," Haymitch says drawing out the last word and lifting me from the water and marching right past our fun spoiler without relinquishing our current activity. Tomorrow I would be embarrassed beyond all horror, but the look on Gale's face, after what he'd said to me, was worth the fit of giggles it caused.

"Shhh. Tell them it's ok, cause we are getting …toasted." I say helpfully leaning toward him as we pass.

"No, you are far beyond that." he says with disgust.

I throw my head back and giggle more, "The only thing beyond toasting is babies! Haymitch, you're not getting me pregnant are you?"

"No. I have a hard time meeting the requirements while in the middle of an emergency location change. But once we get back to our room, we'll see what sails."

Gale turns bright red, crosses his arms and sighs deeply.

"He's mean." I whisper to Haymitch loud enough to be heard in the next room and looking over Haymitch's shoulder at Gale as he follows us down the hall, like he wants to be sure we don't invade other parts of the house that the staff won't approve of either .

"I thought he'd say congratulations. Not get out of my pool. Jojo used to love being a naughty girl in Finnick's Pool. The three of us had lots of fun in his big purple pool. Your cousin is kind of a stick in the mud. You'd think Jo would have removed that by now." Haymitch blathers all the way down the hall leaving a set of soggy large footprints in a slightly weaving path all the way. He's always been a functioning drunk. I can't stop laughing. Each statement was well aimed and Gales face is comically broody by the time we make it to our own quarters.

I wake up with a groan. My eyes are duel suns burning my brain and it hurts. I sit up bravely trying to dig the offenders out of their sockets. Haymitch awakens and makes his way to our suitcase leaving a trail of hangover pills dotting the floor. He hands me three and gets me a glass of water. His own are chewed up like mints and washed down with the last dregs of liquid in his bottle from the nightstand.

"Oh god." I shriek as I remember, "Did we? Oh god. We have to leave before they get up." I say lying back down and pulling a pillow over my head.

Haymitch attacks and offers his repair-all solution, "Little hair of the dog, sweetheart. Fix you right up." He says smirking down at me with glittering playful eyes.

"How can you be so happy with such a raging hangover?"

"Take a wild guess. Years of practice and one important difference this morning. Tell me it's still true. Are you still going to be my wife?"

"Stuck with me forever." I say. He rubs my temples and the back of my neck and I sigh at how good it feels.

We don't take long to make the hangovers kind of ease up. I am making sounds I assume are to be private when I happen to slit my eyes open at the dip in the mattress.

Johanna is very carefully climbing in bed with us, grinning. I tap Haymitch on the shoulder and he looks around following my horrified stare. "Hey, Jo. You're up and about?" He says as if this is normal.

"Yeah, it's hard to get much sleep when your husband is up ranting about the pigs in his house. So is it true?"

"Haymitch stop. Could we have a second, Jo?" I am beyond mortified here and I am franticly trying to grasp the covers and Haymitch and she are chatting as if this is customary.

She makes an expansive gesture with her hand, "Sure, don't mind me if you're getting to the good part. Damned Haymitch, I forgot what a sexy ass you have while you…"

"What the hell?" Gale stands in the doorway.

"Hey I am just watching. It's fine. Hay and I are old buddies and…"

"Never mind! If you two ever finish. I will be in the kitchen." Gale storms out with curses. "Goddam fucking victors…"

"You were not complaining the last time you were!" Johanna yells after her furious husband.

I finally have Haymitch shifted off of me and the covers pulled up around me. "Johanna I don't think this is…" I begin.

"The door wasn't locked. After last night, I didn't figure you'd care." She grins, "Now back to the important question. Did you really say you were getting married?"

"Yes. We are." Haymitch says with a little shy grin. Considering the setting, I am amazed at the part that makes him feel shy is the part that could be talked about in front of the staff.

Jo's face brightens and she throws her arms around us both. "Congratulations. Oh my Gosh. I have so much to do! Now don't you worry, I will take care of everything. My stylist will be so happy for something to do besides gooping me up every day for nothing. But seriously, can we put it off until tomorrow? I can't do it all by tonight."

"We don't need anything. Just simple." I say.

"But I will do it all. I haven't had anything to do in forever and I can just make the calls for a few flowers and a cake." She pleads.

Haymitch whispers to me. "Let her have some fun. She might leave the room faster."

The last part is the sole basis of my quick decision. "Ok. He's right. No trouble. Whatever you think is fine, just simple. We aren't wanting a circus."

"Of course not. I can't wait!" She giggles in glee. She begins the process of scooting and rolling off the bed. Haymitch gets out of bed without batting an eye and assists her. She looks him over after standing up and winks at me then says appreciatively, "He's still eye-candy Mockingjay, don't care what you say."

"And you are as unseeing and predisposed to flattery as you ever were, Jojo. Don't tire yourself on this, promise?" Haymitch hooks his arm around her and pecks her on the forehead.

"I won't. You might give it a rest too, old man. Save some for after the nuptials." She teases, slapping him on his closest lower cheek in a familiar way, as she waddles toward the door.

"Well that is in direct conflict with your instructions, sweetheart." His voice lowers to a sultry flirty tone.

"Same old Haymitch." She says almost wistfully and closes the door softly.

He returns to the bed and attempts to immediately resume the endeavor our guest interrupted. "That was embarrassing as can be." I sit up, blocking his intention.

"What? It's just Jo. Who knows how long her husband watched before bothering to make his presence known."

"I will never be able to show my face. Let's run away." I say dejected and head pounding again.

Showing my face was no easier than I imagined. Gale sat nursing his coffee and glaring our way. I grabbed coffee and scurried away up to Johanna's room without so much as a word or a glance at him.

Jo grins and waves me in. "I am serious. So you'll be here? That's great Plutarch. Yes, see you tomorrow."

"Did Gale talk to you?"

I laugh and shrug at her, adding, "I'm not speaking to him."

"You know he still loves you, right?"

My chin wobbles uncontrollably and I shake my head. "That's not love. I believed what he said. I thought he was my best friend. I wouldn't have even told him, if I had known he hated me so much. "

"God you are so stupid," she says in a way that sounds more like pity than insult.

"Yes, but only because he fooled me so easily. I won't make that mistake ever again."

"He thinks you hate him."

"I don't, but I'm working on it. I don't care if I ever see him again. I know we will for you, but I am done with him. Sorry about the pool last night." My eyes have dropped and my voice is just above a whisper.

"Oh, who cares about that? We mess around there all the time. It's how he got me to stop being afraid of water. Brought back some of the few wonderful memories I actually had of the Capitol."

"Well, you'd have thought the idea was too much for his prudish little mind to figure out. He was really mad. Like this morning. Of course you kind of made me want to find a dark place to hide in."

"Be prepared, most of us victors don't worry much about naked any more. Haymitch seems to have had some effect on you. Gale's not that prudish, but you guys were pretty loud. Haymitch used to be a lot quieter."

"Yeah, he can be really sneaky, I hear." I said thinking about how he'd never made me aware that he looked forward to my tearful moments, when I sought his arms in desperation for comfort. "I'm sorry he hates me. Haymitch is always welcome to come without me, any time you need him."

She studies me for a minute. "Do you think I hate you?"

"You tolerate me. We make each other laugh a little. It's Haymitch you care about."

"Some of that's true. I could have ended up with Haymitch a lot easier than Gale."

"But you never came to twelve. There was a long time there that the door was wide open. Are you saying that you do hate me?"

"No. Not now. But I did for a while."

"Because of Haymitch?"

"No. Because of Haymitch, I don't hate you."

I sigh and try to figure out what she means. "I don't understand."

"No reason why you should. See I blamed you. For years there were two men in my life. I loved them both, but I was only in love with one. I blamed you for his death. I could deal with him married to Annie, not picking me. Not loving me in the same way I loved him. But, him ending for nothing in a stinking sewer, well that was your death sentence. I wasn't rooting for you at your trial. I hoped they tortured you until your screams echoed in the capitol for thirty minutes after they sounded your canon. Hate is too mild of a word."

Tears fight to escape as I shake my head in abject devastation. "I had no idea."

"I know. It was none of your damned business. As a matter of fact, I sort of hated how Haymitch used to look at you when he thought nobody was looking too, way back in Thirteen. And you didn't give a crap about him. So I took up with Gale, just to stick you in the back a little. Mostly because, I loved Haymitch enough to be very protective of him. Wanted to rub it in your face a little that you needed to appreciate things more and not hurt people so much. Then Finnick died and I am afraid that if I came to twelve and did what I dreamed of most every night, that it would have been too much and if Haymitch ever figured out I killed his little bird-brain, then I'd lose him too as my friend. Besides, you were pretty determined to do it for me. I like easy answers. I figured you knew I was pitching an ax at you just by being here, with him so much."

"No, by the time I knew. You were already making plans." What she's saying hurts so bad but then something horrible dawns on me. "Please say you didn't marry him for that?"

She looks at me with victory in her eyes. "I win," she whispers. "You just proved you still love him. So both of you need to stop your shit and play nice."

"Jo. I can't. He doesn't want to. That's just the way it is."

"Ok, Then here's the rest. Guess who blames himself for Finnick and Prim. Guess who blames himself for every single Seam Rat and little blond townie girl who didn't make it out of the dead zone? Guess who never managed to save you. Guess who brought home a little blond baker bomb to murder you for Snow. Guess who blames himself for all your little screwed up head. Guess who thinks he's killed my ass with little baby Hades here? Guess who hates himself the very most in this house. Then take a stab at guessing, why he didn't come see you princess."

"He was afraid." I say suddenly really seeing what he'd called himself a coward about.

"Bingo. He's terrified of destroying you because he suspects it will take him with you. Your little marathon swim session kinda fucked up my pretty hubby's face. It's all grouchy and tortured looking and I don't like it that way. Now, my advice is to give Haymitch a break and fuck pretty boys brains out, but that is my style of making up and I don't figure even Mr. Abernathy could convince you of the simplicity of my wisdom."

"No and just so you know he's very jealous of Gale, so even if I did follow your advice it would just create a whole world of new ugly upon the Congressman's face."

"Haymitch? Jealous? How delicious. But back to my point. I don't know how you say sorry in boring you world, but somebody needs to and Congressman Gloom has that huge chip on his shoulder called his head. You have to be the one to do it. You owe me. You cost me Finn. And I got it, Gale explained, Haymitch explained what it cost you and I say you're forgiven, so you are. But, no matter how much he loves me, and he does, he never dealt with all the you stuff and it is a big locked box full of poison. It's falling apart and only you can do this clean up. He's your mess, Mockingjay. Fix it. I won't forgive you a second time."

I just sit there trying to process all she's said. My head is swimming and starting to pound again. "I don't even know where to start." I finally say collapsing on her bed and closing my eyes in defeat..

"He's in the kitchen. That's where you start."

"What do I say? Hi, sorry I let you yell at me?"

She growls and looks at the ceiling, obviously suppressing some frustrated sarcasm. "I'm sure about any lame ass thing you come up with will do, brainless. He's madly in love with you. It isn't that hard."

"He's in love with you, not me," I say genuinely offended and absolutely certain I'm right.

"Of course he's in love with me, but it doesn't mean he's not in love with you too. Just because you pick one doesn't mean the other stops. Finn picked Annie, but it didn't mean he loved me less. You picked Haymitch, but you didn't stop caring about Gale and Peeta. Peeta Picked Annie, but she still loves Finn and Peeta still loves you. Did you stop loving Prim when she died? No. If it doesn't stop for death itself, why does everyone pretend it stops just because you pick one to help you through life."

I stare at her, amazed at how right her idiotic logic actually is. "How'd you get so smart?"

She laughs and eye's twinkling, says, "Years in the pool with Finnicky darling and Hay-baby. Not all of it was spent humping each other. And there is one more side note here, not only did I forgive your stupid self, I care about what happens to you too. If you don't fix the shit between you and my husband, it's going to eat you up and spit you out too. So when it happens, not if, but when, I lose everybody again. I can't survive that so I am patiently explaining all the stuff you don't get. It is pure self-preservation. Now go. Be our little Mockingjay and save the world again. I have wedding plans to make."

I don't say anything, but I do smile. I get up to leave and turn at the last minute. "Haymitch is right about you. Gale got lucky."

"Circus or ceremony, your choice. Fix it or deal with my wrath."

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><p>You know there is a reason we tried to figure out how to name a child - Swimming Pool - eyes wide. A King who's lands were consumed by the sea had to do...evil grin.<p>

If you laughed, just once, please review.


	6. Chapter 6 - lock down

Because She Came Here With Me— Lock down

**Author**: **Howlynn**  
><strong>Realm<strong>: _The Hunger Games_, Suzanne Collins  
><strong>Story Title<strong>: Because she came here with me – Every day  
><strong>Summary<strong>:_ Haymitch and Jo have been conspiring and when two victors conspire you can just bet it is going to set the house on fire. Katniss doubts Haymitch's advice and there is no telling whether it is a good idea or a booze addled brain finally pickled. _  
><strong>CharacterRelationships**: Haymitch/Katniss

I** Disclaimer:** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

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><p>Because she came here with me chapter 6<p>

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><p>I took as long as I could to make my way out of the wing and tried to get lost on the way. My entering the kitchen was noticed by three men. Hadley smiled and held up the cookbook then placed it reverently on the bar.<p>

Haymitch turned and winked at me while Gale looked up for a split second, looked away and blushed with a stoic sigh. I walked over to the bar and picked up Peeta's cookbook and thumbed through the new pages as if I had any idea what the names meant. I recognized a few ingredients but most of the writing meant little to me. My eyes settled on the book and I cleared my throat, "Thank you. I will see that Peeta gets this. It was very kind of you."

Hadley set a pot of water on to simmer and with a mumbled, "My deepest pleasure," he exited the room. I stood frozen, pretending to be engrossed in the recipes.

"Well, are the two of you going to kiss and make up or are you going to prove mind-reading still doesn't work?" Haymitch demands.

"I'm sorry for what I said," Gale said with no inflection as if the words tasted like possum and dandelion stew.

"It's fine." I reply low and controlled. Silence follows and neither of us looks at each other.

"Well that was unimpressive? Is that all the advice you got from Jo? She's usually better at telling people what to do." Haymitch said with a headshake and a derisive snort.

All my anger focuses on Haymitch sitting there laughing at us as if this were not hard enough. "Jo advised me to sleep with him and I was debating on the value of her suggestion?" I say it to shock Haymitch but he just smirked then had to leap off his chair as Gale's hot coffee shatters on the counter and splashes all over the place. I smirk back at Haymitch innocently.

"Oh, God. I…sorry," Gale stammers in horror and slings a towel at Haymitch before leaving the room in humiliated embarrassment.

Haymitch laughs as he brushes off his damp trousers, "Did she now? I would have expected her to offer that avenue…quite a surprise that you would admit it. Nice one, Mockingjay. Enemy surprise attack and now he will agree to about any terms. Would you like to?"

"Like to what?" I ask through gritted teeth.

Haymitch stands and towers over me. "Sleep with him? Get it out of your system once and for all, before tomorrow."

"Don't be absurd." I say louder than I should.

His eyes narrow and he sucks air into his nose as he twists his head in that way he does when he sizes someone up. "Ah. So the answer is yes. You do…want to."

"I do not!"

He chews his lip and blinks at me. "I think you do. He obviously does. It isn't off the table, sweetheart."

Tears pop in my eyes, and I can barely breathe. "If that is what you think of me…then forget it. All of it. The wedding is off."

His chin lifts and he shakes his head. "That's the reaction you think I want. It's not what is going on in your eyes," he says, voice gentle and measured.

"You're so stupid. You can take the boy out of the capital…" I say, nearing hysteria at my need to lash out. How dare he accuse me of my deepest darkest secret? Him knowing me, has just manifest itself in one of the inconvenient ways. I hated him for being so sure and for having the lack of manners to say it.

His most deliberately restrained and sly smile crawls onto his face, the predator smile of his capital days. "All victors were whores once, Katniss. Except you. That doesn't mean you lack carnal feelings. I have certainly proved that. The trouble with those of us who didn't escape that fate is than we can see lust like Capitol beacons and you and the Congressman are blinding, my dear."

My breath hitches as I shake my head in denial. "I would never hurt you. You were jealous of a hug. How can you even accuse me-"

He holds up his hand and interjects, "Not an accusation. It's a fact. Don't try to lie. You are an adequate liar when you have to be, but you are rusty and it never worked with me. The question is, what do you want to do about it? You have the wife's permission."

"Haymitch?" I say wounded and lost at his entire line of questioning. "You can't be serious? We are getting married…I thought…"

"You thought what? A ceremony would stop me from having a brain in my head? Change who you know me to be?" He looks at me amused and like he knows all the answers.

"You're disgusting." I said and spun to leave the room.

He latched onto my arm hard and fingers whirl me back toward him. "No. Not this time, sweetheart. It isn't a bad idea. You speak far more with your body than you have ever been able to say with that sarcastic little mouth of yours. Say it to me."

"I won't. You… are wrong." I stubbornly look at his chest and cross my arms protectively.

"No, I'm not. And before you answer, if you lie to me again, I will be on the next train. You won't see me again. I won't be lied to. Not by you. Not after all we have survived. Not when it is just as plain that you never felt that for Peeta, as it is that you do feel that, for Gale. If I can lose you to him, I want it to happen now."

I peek up at his face and am shocked by how hard his eyes are. "You are not being fair. If I say I don't want to, then you are leaving me. If I say I do, then you will hate me. Your game has no win. You didn't think I would say yes to getting married and this is your way out."

He pulls me into his arms and I acquiesce but remain stiff and terror fills me as I convince myself that what I said was true. He sighs heavily, and his voice dips low, to a rumble, " I'm sorry. Sometimes I forget the years and miles between us. Katniss, you have never been with anyone else. I am not trying to trick you or play any game. Yes, it is a test, but not how you think. I am offering you one last night of freedom to…let's call it…make sure. You and he are never going to escape the what-if mentality that orbits this little reunion. Am I going to enjoy knowing? Not especially. Will I kill him for it? Not this time. If it were to happen after we are toasted? I would rip him to shreds. Here is the thing. I know who and what I am. I know the best thing that ever came into my life. I have the experience to understand all of this brewing between the two of you and I know where it can lead. Am I taking a chance that you may find some moment that will cancel how you think you feel for me? I suppose I am. But the flip side of that is this. If you show up the next day and walk down that aisle on his arm, and he hands you to me freely and you stand before me knowing without a doubt that there is nothing you want more, then I will never have to question that I will be a regret to you."

"I know what I want now. This is stupid. I can't, don't you see?" I know I am whining, but usually it works.

"Then why are you fighting me? If you are so sure, prove it," he says soothing me with his tone and rubbing my back.

"You are being a stupid jerk. I don't want this. Not at all. Why are you bullying me into cheating on you?"

He chuckles, then whispers into my hair, "Because you are being my stubborn little Mockingjay. Now admit that it's true, Katniss. If you want me to accept your heart, give me nothing but the truth. And give me peace between you and Hawthorne, so it doesn't take me away from Jojo."

He has me in a corner and I have always hated being cornered. I can't stop the trembling that precedes my struggle to admit that some of what he says might be true. "Maybe a little. I don't know. I really don't. I have tried to never think of it. I love you and I don't care what else is out there. "

"Good girl. That wasn't so hard now was it?" He pats me and his hand slinks down my hair then lifts my chin to kiss me.

"Maybe I don't need to know," I said, pleading with my eyes. "I don't want to even chance knowing something so terrible. He will say no. I can't make him…he would never cheat on her. And. And not now in any case. I can't imagine how you decided this was a good idea."

"Trust me. I'm betting on you. I always have."

"It won't work. This will not work." I shake my head and push him away, setting my jaw in determination.

"Jo and I have already talked about it, sweetheart. First night we got here. Her words were, lock them in a room with a bed for twelve hours and turn up the heat until they are well done. Crude, perhaps, but true." He smiles at me and winks.

"And if nothing happens?" I asked, certain that nothing would.

"Then so be it. But one way or another, the two of you don't leave the room until you have solved this series of fatal knots the two of you have tied yourselves into. I love you. I will love you tomorrow and the day after and for as long as it beats, this heart is yours. No matter what the outcome is, it changes nothing for me. One last night of freedom and then, if you still are willing, you will belong to me and there will never be anyone who will tempt you away from me. If I don't believe that, I have no business marrying you in the first place."

"Oh yeah, you and Jo hovering outside the door will guarantee nothing will happen. So, fine. Test away."

"Ah. But that is not quite the intent," he said with a pulled up corner to his mouth.

"What do you mean?"

His head tilts to the side and his eyes sparkle, "Jo and I have a few apologies to make to each other as well. We would like to say goodbye our way. She has already told him and he's agreed. You have every right to refuse me and I will abide by your word. But I also know you won't feel nearly as guilty, if you know I am not exactly suffering your short-term absence."

Now I am furious. "But she can't. She's. She's as big as a house and ill. You can't do anything. Is this what this is about? You force me into bed with him so you and she…"

"Don't be silly. Mmmmph, is that jealousy you're wearing? I think I like it. She can. I can. I do know what I am doing here, you know. And yes. I want to be with Jo, one last time. With your permission and blessing. If you say no, we will refrain."

"If I'm locked in a room, how would I know?"

"Sweetheart, there are cameras all over this house. I would not lie, but it would be easy to review them and prove my whereabouts. She spoke with him after leaving our room this morning. Why do you think he's glowing with awkwardness and blushing with humiliation? He swore you would slap me for bringing it up and you blurted it out like a …well, with all the protocols of …me." There is actually pride on his face now and it makes me close my eyes in irritation.

"He knew? I mean…" My mouth hangs open and I can't seem to remember how to close it.

"Yep."

"I am mortified. I don't know why I am even surprised. You are insane. This is cruel, you know? I think you are a manipulative, slag heap licking, pot of pooh on the stove! You are cooking up trouble and you know it!"

"Which part of that was the surprising bit?"

"Haymitch, if you love me…please don't…do this…I can't."

"Sure you can. You survived two games, a war, murdered a president, went crazy, came back and put up with me for a long time. I think in the grand scheme of what Katniss Everdeen is capable of, that this is going to be pretty easy once you quit bitching and look at it from hindsight. Nobody is forcing you. If the two of you sit on the floor alone in a room and nothing happens, so be it. God knows the two of you wandered alone in the woods often enough. Surely you are not afraid he would be ungentlemanly at this late date? "

"No. He would never…"

"So there is no force involved."

"Sleep with him or lose you. That is force. The same kind Snow would have used." I send him a very hateful look.

"No. If we tied you down and said don't scream or we will kill everything you love and do this anyway, that would be the same. This is nothing like that. You are being forced to apologize and or work out your past. If more takes place you have been absolved prior to any decision you choose. The decision and the choice is in your hands. It isn't force. It is a moment to step back and make sure. Now, stop backtracking and second guessing and simply accept that all your little objections are just fear of the unknown. He's waiting for you now. Probably sweating hovercraft fuel in terror and my advice to you is to stomp away from me in a pout so you can save your pride and do what I tell you anyway."

"You really are bat-shit crazy."

He pretends to mull it over a second then says in a dramatic theatrical capital voice, "And yet, twas I alone standing between you and the home for the criminally insane. They said in the old days, justice was blind. It may also be inordinately stupid. Probably why we did away with it in the first…where are you going?"

"Lock me in the damned room. Anything is better than watching you act."

"It was my talent."

"No it wasn't. War was your talent. You win…you always do."

"Well, a lot of acting was involved in war. Same thing really." He shoved his hands in his pockets and hunched his shoulders as if I had insulted him.

"You told me not to lie. You're rusty." I shrugged.

"Have a nice evening, sweetheart."

I rolled my eyes.

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><p><strong>Ok I know a lot of you think I have forgotten my HG stories. I haven't. But fair warning, all updates will be slow and random because I am learning violin and it is distracting and I am currently Sherlocked and making lots of smutty little pairings over there while using all the big words I like. Thought I'd pop you an update on this, but only so I could say "<em>I'm not dead. Let's have dinner<em>." So you know I am still alive.**


	7. Chapter 7 - dancing barefoot

Because She Came Here With Me— Dancing Barefoot

**Author**: **Howlynn**  
><strong>Realm<strong>: _The Hunger Games_, Suzanne Collins  
><strong>Story Title<strong>: Because she came here with me – Every day  
><strong>Summary<strong>:_ The door is locked and Katniss and Gale are alone _  
><strong>CharacterRelationships**: Haymitch/Katniss

I** Disclaimer:** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

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><p>Because she came here with me chapter 7<p>

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><p><strong>Chapter 7 – dancing barefoot<strong>

Katniss didn't meet Haymitch's eyes as she stepped through the door and actually heard a lock engage. She winced. Not meeting Gale's eyes, she stood three inches from the door, silent and unmoving. She peeked at Gale and found him standing at the window, turned away from her. His hands were shoved in his pockets and his posture was stiff. He was nervous.

"I never thought you would…agree to this. I'm surprised," Gale said without turning.

"I'm not sure _agree_ would be the right word," Katniss replied softly.

He turned, momentarily confused. "You're here?"

She nodded meeting his eyes for a split second then lowly whispered, "Yes."

He took a calming breath and crossed to her, stopping about a foot away. "I'm glad you came."

"Are you?" Katniss spoke to the floor.

Gale reached out and tilted her chin, wanting her to look at him. "So we are doing this?"

She glanced away, "It seems we are."

He blushed and snorted, "You are as enthusiastic as ever?"

Katniss shrugs and holds it, "It's…just weird. I mean…Locked in a room to cheat on a man I am supposed to marry tomorrow. I've never been with anyone else. Just scared."

"You've never been afraid of anything in your life. Certainly not me. I would never hurt you."

"Not true. You have hurt me." Her eyes glared at his chest.

Gale stood there silently. "I never meant to. I will always love you and …anything you want…I'll do anything to fix us. Anything. Katniss."

"Even this?" she asks softly.

There are tears in his eyes as he answers, "Yes." He takes a step forward and kisses her.

It was wonderful and exciting and Katniss nearly lost her mind at the taste of Gale. She was surprised at how quickly her body reacted when she had been so opposed to this idea. It was so easy to let it take over that it actually required a lot of effort to back off and look up at him and say something coherent. "Look that was…but, tell me. Do You think this will fix anything?"

He sighed, trying to even his own breath, eyes lidded with want. "No. It fixes nothing unless you say it will somehow. I don't see…but…"

"We need to talk." Katniss smiles at him.

"We aren't very good at that anymore."

"We never were. I just thought you read my mind," she admits.

"I thought so too, once." Gale gives her a wink and nods toward two enormous wingback chairs in front of a cold fireplace. They take their seats, facing each other and neither knows what to say but it is not as uncomfortable as when she entered.

"I wonder if they…" Katniss begins then drops the thought.

He shrugged. "Nothing we can do about that," he says meeting her eyes.

"So you and she…do this?" Katniss dropped her eyes and picked at her knee.

"What? No."

"But you agreed? Why?"

"Katniss. I have never cheated on her. I wouldn't in any other circumstances." His brows crease and his hands clap between his knees.

"But you would in these? How do you feel about her and Haymitch…right now?" Katniss probed.

He sighed. "Sick ok? It's killing me. But Jo wants this and you do. I will deal with it. It isn't like I haven't thought about you for years. It isn't like a huge punishment. I don't think it will solve a damned thing and I am sure it's a trap of some sort. Okay? But, it's there. Always has been and I do see their point. They would rather … it happen this way than let it destroy us one day."

"You don't want this."

He lowered his face in his hands in frustration. "I. I do partly, selfishly…curiosity…wanting to claim something stolen from me. Yes. I do. If it helps you, I do. I see their reasoning and I don't blame them at all. I mean this is all different for them. It's as casual as dinner to them. They really do solve their crises this way. She's told me things, Katniss. I don't know what he has shared with you but I understand what the two of them went through and I have to give her this. And we have to solve us too. So. I'm here. Short of bleeding out and never meeting my child, I'll do anything that you think will help get us back…or maybe just forward. I don't know. I'm not the injured party here. You are."

She smirks, and says softly, "You took a whipping for me once?"

He swallows and clears his throat, "Yes, even that. If that 's what you want."

Her eyes widen as she realizes exactly what he's said. He walks to a wardrobe and opens the door. She isn't sure what he is doing and keeps trying to see if she has misinterpreted what he said. He tosses something in her lap and she sucks in her breath and stares at it. A black coil of vicious looking leather snakes down onto the floor. Her heart pounds in revulsion, as she finally recovers.

She looks toward Gale and he had removed his shirt and has braced himself between the bed posts, head down and unable to control the shaking and trembling spasms of his muscles as he prepares himself.

"Gale…" she begins and has no idea what to say. She bends and picks up the whip and walks toward him.

"I'll likely pass out at about ten if you break the skin. If you go much beyond thirty You will have to get me some medical attention. If the shock doesn't get me the blood loss will. She warned me…so just get on with it. "Gale blurts.

"Is this…"

"It's fine. Just … hurry up."

"Do you like this?" Katniss asked in such a childish voice he turns to her and nearly laughs.

"God no. I told you anything," he said angrily.

"You think I want to punish you. That I want to hurt you? God, you must think I'm a monster." Katniss throws the whip at him and goes to the door, banging on it and demanding exit.

"Katniss, wait…"He says suddenly at her side. "I thought you suggested…"

Katniss glares at him, "I meant you had already been punished…not that."

His face goes blank then he started laughing, "Oh for Snow's sake…Katniss…I. I'm sorry…"

"Yeah, very funny."

"No, I am so relieved. I mean standing there all I could think about was 'please don't let me wet my pants this time.' I think I was so terrified that when you said it…I just blanked and I am just so relieved…" he turned her and the honest look in his face begged her to stop pounding on the door.

Katniss lowered her fist. "I still have nightmares about it. About you. How could you…"

He shook his head, "I am more afraid of that than anything. Jo said…you would zero in on my greatest weakness. That you would want to take me apart and probably break me. Said you'd been with Haymitch and he'd probably have taught you. Said I needed to face it, like her and the water. I just…" he shrugged and his voice died.

"You thought I would hurt you?" Katniss threw back her head and laughed. "Haymitch is almost too careful with me, you idiot. God…I freak out over the tiniest thing. We don't…I don't…Who are you? The Gale I imagined all these years …that! I am pretty sure, now, that this is a huge waste of time."

"I don't want it to be. I am trying here? Stop making me guess. What do you want?" He stood beside her, eyes blazing and face darkening.

Katniss froze. "I don't know."

"Great. Well, when you figure it out, let me know. I'll be over here in my chair, waiting." He walks away and flops in the chair, back to her. "I don't think you are a monster," he adds sulkily.

Katniss stands with her hand on the door for ten minutes before finally speaking, "I thought you were once. For a long time actually. A monster."

"I know. You still do," he replied calmly.

She crosses the room and sits in the empty chair. She shakes her head, "No. I think you are just broken, like me?"

"Probably more. It wasn't you who killed her. That was me." His hand shook as his chest began to heave and he tried to stop them, hide them and control himself, but there was no stopping his sobs this time. Gale seemed to collapse against the force of his emotion and a wail issued from him so close to madness that Katniss automatically climbed into his lap and took him in her arms. It wasn't long before they both sobbed against each other as if it had all happened yesterday.

When finally they wore themselves out, blew noses and dried each other's cheeks, Katniss whispered hoarsely, "I didn't know you ever cried for her."

He looked up at her, face wrecked in emotion, "I didn't. I never had the right to."

"I forgive you." Katniss finally said and it felt true and like a stake had been removed from her heart. "I'm sorry it took so long. I should have never blamed you."

"I should have come back."

"Maybe. It doesn't matter. It might have been worse, I don't know." She pets his face and smiles. "But the important part is…we got here."

This time he kisses her and she kisses back as if they both found treasure. For a while he just holds her and they are quiet.

"Katniss?"

"Hmmm?"

"I'm starving."

"Me too?" She answers baffled. It had been a long time since she'd actually wanted to eat.

* * *

><p><em>Dear guest - Really? That festival you are seeking is on the Pleasure to Burn story - thanks for your input and colorful willingness to explain my story to me before reading the whole thing - funny - 'would never' is a powerful phrase - and by the way a Festival would require many more than four people - four is only quartet - four people on a golf course is not a festival. I considered changing my story for you but decided to write it the way I'd planned. An orgy is mulitiple people in the same room. That doesn't fit in my story. Perhaps when you get older your stomach will be a bit less wobbly and you will be a bit more open minded about using that sort of language while in the same review saying the concept is disgusting when you are the only one suggesting most of those concepts.<em>

_To my other reviewers - thank you so much. I am happy you are enjoying it. I don't write much HG FF any more - but I do intend to finish these._


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